Be Careful How You Speak To Yourself

I'm trying to be kinder to myself. How I think, act and speak out loud regarding my appearance and my abilities.

Sometimes I forget that other people will always compare themselves to others, just like I compare myself to others.  And I need to stop. Because I am uniquely and beautifully me. I am not getting any younger...or thinner, really. And that shouldn't matter. But I am starting to learn that when I call myself names, other people can sometimes consider that a knock against them as well.

If a person just so happens to think I am attractive, but I say I am not, I am indirectly calling them wrong and stupid. Or what if this other person has worse self esteem than I do? What if they think they are uglier than me? Then I totally just called them a troll.

It's a lot of pressure to think that my own negative self views can be hurting other people, but it is all about the energy we put out into the world. And I am soon entering the fourth decade of my life. So, I should have myself in order by now.

I don't, by the way. But I know I need to treat myself a little better and learn to love my "flaws." Having a little belly isn't a crime. Turning down a free cupcake IS a crime.  NO ONE has perfect skin. NO ONE. Only air brushing can make that happen.

The world needs to start seeing beauty in reality as well as the painted up images of magazines. There's nothing wrong with models, either. They are selling a fantasy. Who doesn't want a little magic and fantasy in the world? But when you demand the perfection of a magazine upon your fellow real life inhabitants, that is when things go wrong.

I want to be kinder to myself. I am a size 8. I will never be a size 4 again...maybe a size 6, but size 4 is the younger me. A just as worthy me. But a different me, nonetheless. And there is no need to mourn her passing. Instead I need to celebrate the amazing woman she is becoming.

And not feel guilty that I eat nachos for dinner while watching America's Next Top Model.

The Actor's Lament

Every time I post about a job I book, I always get a lot of questions.

How did you do it?
How can I do what you do?
Etc.

I have a few answers, but I don't think you will like any of them.

The Simple Answer:
I auditioned.
I went in to an audition, just as a bunch of other people just like me did. I was nervous, didn't REALLY count on getting booked. But this time it panned out. Go figure. It's a crap shoot. Every time. You HAVE to go on auditions. Even if you think you don't really fit the part they are submitting you for, GO. Sometimes I book a role I didn't even read for, but showing up is half the battle. You don't have to compromise your morals. I am not saying that. But I am saying you don't get a chance if you don't take a chance.

The More Complicated Answer:
I've been at this for over THIRTY YEARS. Only in the last few years have I even been getting AUDITIONS from my agents. You have to be persistent and you HAVE to be patient. Keep reminding your agents that you are alive, in town and looking for work. Call to "check in."  All you have to say when you call is your name and that you are calling to check in. They likely won't have anything for you at that time. But they will hear your name and remember to call you next time, hopefully. In Michigan, our agents represent a LOT of talent. They can't remember everyone. MAKE yourself memorable. I signed with one agent when I was 15 years old. They called me for one audition and never again until I happened to wander in to the office with my boyfriend (now husband) who was one of their favorite people. They took my headshots and resumes and started calling me here and there. When I started to book, they started to call more often. This took almost a decade from when I signed with them. But 1) I was NOT persistent and I was too shy to "harrass them." 2) The "movies" didn't even come to town til I was in my 30s, so there wasn't that much work to go around anyway.
I signed with another agent when I was 21 and again didn't start even getting calls until I became persistent (the urging of my boyfriend, now husband) and even then it took almost 12 years after signing with them. The head agent even attended my wedding. I thought "he's seeing me at my best, he will definitely start calling." Nope. It was all on me to get in front of their faces.
Send them demo reels. (audio, video) Do NOT make them 4 minutes long! The first one I sent was that long. It was ignored.
Check my reels page (yes, reels...that's how you can get them to see everything you want them to see...LOOPHOLES!) to get an idea how to start. The audio demo is at the top.

Again, I am NOT an expert in any of this. I have just been at this for a VERY LONG TIME. I show up at auditions, just like you, and pray for a positive outcome.  It may have took decades, but even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then, right?

How do you GET an agent?
Ask other actors what agents they have, find their websites and look for their submission policies.
I am with a few agents because in this market, being exclusive can likely only block me from other auditions.
If you are in a bigger market (then likely you aren't even reading this blog) you will have different rules I am sure.

So, basically, I guess I am saying, I don't KNOW how to get you cast in stuff.
But I will say, find an agent. Don't expect anything to happen right away. Audition for EVERYTHING. Be available. That's the hard part. But if you aren't available, they will stop trying after a while.
If you don't have experience, DO extra work. Learn the business. But do NOT throw your name on imdb as "uncredited." That doesn't do ANYONE any favors, least of all you.  You just look silly. Seriously. The extra work is for cash, getting your face out there, and preparing yourself for when you are the one with lines and the focus of the camera. It would be embarrassing if you got a job and someone told you "back to one." and you had NO CLUE what that meant.
Ask questions. Be polite, but don't be afraid to ask anyone questions if you don't understand. Better to learn now than to look like an idiot later.
I am more than happy to answer questions. But I am NOT an expert. I just have a lot of my own personal experiences.
OVER THIRTY YEARS.

So, yeah. There is no magical formula. If there was, I would have my own series by now. It's just racking up experience points and making connections that work. Don't burn bridges. So and so may really irritate the piss out of you, but keep it professional...especially on facebook...that stuff stays there forever and people WILL judge you on it.
This is a new era of technology and whether we like it or not, people are judging us by the emotional vomit we put on our facebook pages. It's true. It CAN keep you from a job. It HAS kept people from jobs. I can attest to that.

I was always talented. I am not bragging. But if I didn't get myself out there, no one was going to know. I made my own projects and shared them with agents, too. I just kept putting myself out there.

And guess what? Pretty soon, I will be unsuccessful again. Because that is the nature of this business. It's up and down. Highs and lows. And you have to be able to roll with them and have the hope and knowledge that the low WILL end soon...for me it took a decade or so, but I never gave up. I may have cried and gnashed teeth thinking I would never work again, but I never stopped auditioning anyway.

Also, I started in this industry as a child. I did a few small local tv things very young. I did a LOT of theatre. A LOT. Ask my poor parents who had to drive me to it all. I started before the "Michigan Film Incentives" tripled the amount of work here.
I honestly believe that, even though I got NO film work through those incentives...yeah, I haven't done a SINGLE film brought in from the incentives...I think the incentives helped me. I believe all the people who were booking all the commercials I couldn't book before, moved up to the film roles leaving the commercials available to little old me who had been ready and waiting in the wings...for decades. Again. Persistence. Never give up.

Sorry I don't have a magical formula. I wish I did. But then again, maybe that would be the ONE secret in this industry I WOULD keep to myself.

I hope this gives those of you who have been asking me these questions a little perspective. And feel free to ask me more. I am happy to help when I can. I am happy to GET people actual work when I can. That is just how I roll. But I didn't "magically" get to this position. I have been at this, pecking at this, since I was a little wannabe star at the age of 8.  Hopefully it won't take you as long as it took me. After all, there are far more opportunities here now.

And if you want to know why I never moved out of state. Well, that's a story for a different day. I did live in Austin, Texas for a year. Did some theatre there. But home always calls me. And why leave when I have finally started being successful in a market I have been trying to infiltrate for so long?
I'm not out to be a star. I just want to be wonderful :)

De Tox! De Tox

3 days after the failed detox plan.

I am still down 5 pounds.

My stomach has shrunk to the point where I WANT to eat food, but I am lucky to eat once a day before I am painfully full...

How long will this last, I wonder, before I am back to the bloated beast I was before I started this thing?

Also, I didn't poop until 3 days after the detox was over...and I have been pooping. all. day.

Scary.

Dr. Oz gave me the blahs

So, I decided I was fat, gross and disgusting and wanted to try the Dr Oz three day detox.

The grocery list was somewhat intensive and our specialty health store didn't seem to even carry exactly what we needed.  So, we improvised and still had a bill of nearly $100...For three days of liquified food?!  Really??

The first day wasn't too bad. Tea was great. But I've always loved tea.
Breakfast shake wasn't bad.

Then there was the mess to clean up.

Then the lunch shake. Which was massive.  And only passably palatable.
I could drink it if I had to.

Then there was the mess to clean up.

Snack shake? Hell no! I was still trying to finish the lunch shake.

Eventually I made the dinner shakes, so that Jeff could take his to go. Mine went in the fridge.

Then there was the mess to clean up.

I barely finished the lunch shake and I think it was already 9:30pm!

I took a couple sips of the dinner shake(caliente!), then decided I would just go to sleep.  No energy for the bath...worried I might drown.

The next day I was down 2 lbs! That's kinda cool.  Had the tea again, feeling pretty good about myself.  Made Jeff and my breakfast shakes. Put my breakfast shake in the fridge so I could try to finish last night's dinner shake.

It was dinner time by the time I got through the dinner shake and went to the breakfast shake.  These were way too filling for me, I think.  I made Jeff his dinner shake and saved mine for later as I was working on the breakfast one still.  Skipped lunch as it was just way too much for both of us.

I finished the breakfast shake.  Had a good cry watching some comedy videos online...yeah, that happened....took a shower and went to bed...dinner shake still in fridge.

Day 3, I am now down a total of FOUR pounds! Crazy...but I haven't really eaten anything.  And to top it all off, no poop!

Every other blog I read about this, people were visiting the bathroom like an old friend.  I totally expected to be doing the same.  Maybe I needed all four shakes a day, but 1.5 is about all I can do.

I have a massive headache. I am shakey, and even after taking a sleep aid, I still can't sleep.
I was fine for 2 of the 3 days.  But I think I officially quit now.

I have breakfast and dinner shakes sitting in the fridge, but the thought of them makes me nauseated.
And if I smell almond butter ever again in my life, I WILL puke...and it takes a LOT to make me puke.

I dropped four pounds, but really, I haven't been able to eat ANYTHING.
As I type this, I have eaten a couple handfuls of un-processed, totally whole, totally delicious blueberries.

Perhaps detox just wasn't for me.

I am embarrassed to give up on day three...But I did drop weight...though, on a detox, that technically isn't the goal...I just wanted to get rid of the bloat.

Perhaps it isn't a good idea to do a cleanse while you are on your "period" either. But, you live and learn...

At least I tried...And did dishes three times a day for two whole days...

Yeah, I won't do this one ever again...Gotta be honest. But I am glad I tried...

Looking forward to EATING the fresh fruits and veggies in my house instead of drinking them!

Small Town America is alive and well!

Hey, I know it's been a while since I have mentioned SMALL TOWN AMERICA to you guys! Do you remember anything about it? Did you get the swag you ordered from our indiegogo campaign? Did you take a picture of it and share it with us?  There's still time to do that, you know! Here's the page to post it on:

http://www.facebook.com/SmallTownTV

But that's not what I am writing about today.  As many of you know I am currently in a production at The Detroit Repertory Theatre.  You still have 9 more weekends to catch a show! I am leaving in an hour to do my 8th performance in front of an audience tonight! If you go, let me know so I can hurry out of the dressing room and find you in the lobby after the show! Trust me, we'll both need a hug after!

Since I have committed to this show, however, the big premiere of Small Town America has been announced.  Friday, February 1st, in Portland, Michigan. And I, of course, cannot attend.  I was tremendously bummed.

But I was given a special sneak viewing. I received a text with a secret link that allowed me to view the pilot episode and I have to tell you, I am amped!

This show really has a future! There is so much this show can do for small towns and their commerce! I hope someone else sees the potential as well!

The editing really blew me away, as did all the original music.  The shots looked lovely and it was fun to watch Jeff and I canoeing...er, paddling down the Looking Glass and Grand River in our dress clothes, praying we didn't fall in! And from so many different angles!

I hope you all get a chance to see this show as well as many more episodes! Maybe we will start shooting again in a town near you?  We're open to suggestions! We also like baked goods!

Just wanted to remind you all that Small Town America still has legs and we are still fighting the good fight!

What? Are you chicken?

Amidst the current controversy regarding Chick-fil-a and their stance on "traditional marriage," I guess I have a few questions.

What really is "traditional marriage?" I don't think my husband and I have one.  We don't sit down to dinner together.  We rarely see each other.  But we love each other and what we have works.  Does that mean we are challenging the moral values of society?  Or is it okay, cause our marriage doesn't "gross people out?"

Also, why is it not an issue when atheists get married?  I mean, lots of people get married outside of a church. At a justice of the peace, in banquet halls or fancy houses.  Even outside in the cheap, showy-ness of nature.  But this, too, doesn't seem to upset a certain faction of society as much as two people of the same sex getting married.

I honestly don't get it.  Truly.  I need someone to explain this to me.  I am speaking as a wide eyed innocent who isn't very biblically educated, but I do consider myself a Christian.  Does this fact about me also challenge the moral right?  I don't know? I am an unarmed conservative, Christian, liberal...That is confusing, so it must be wrong...

I agree, every citizen has a right to an opinion.  That is what makes America great.  But, I do find the "freedom of expression" of certain groups, like the Westboro Church nutjobs a bit cruel...Oh, was nutjob too cruel a word?  Freedom of expression.

I don't recall anywhere in the new testament where Jesus condemns the homosexual, but, like many other people, I might just be reading exactly what I want to out of that book.

The old testament is very violent, as I learned from the little bit I watched of THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.  I admit, my research is a bit shoddy on this subject, but I've been busy lately and I just want some quick information that google can't provide apparently.  But in the old testament, aren't we supposed to shun menstruating women from our homes and such?  Probably a good idea, actually.  Menstruating women have a lot of opinions.  They might challenge morals or something.  Also, a lot of things that we can't avoid doing in today's society, like working on Sunday, were punishable by death.  It sounds almost like those rules were written by a menstruating man.  But I digress.

So, I mean, I always figured that no one else's marriage could challenge my own marriage.  What other people do in the privacy of their own homes is none of my concern, unless they are building a nuclear weapon or recording a new Nickelback album.  Unless their affairs threatens the very lives of others, let it be.

I mean, if we defined everyone by what they did behind closed doors, we would all be pretty gross, wouldn't we?  But only one group gets defined by this, because their "love gets shoved in our faces" when they leave their houses, holding hands or calling each other "baby." Even, gasp and drool, adopting babies!  Those babies would be better off in orphanages!  CHRISTIAN orphanages.

Seriously, I am confused.  I mean, I've eaten at Chick-fil-a, and I am impressed by their strong moral values and the fact that they aren't open on Sundays to allow their employees the Lord's day off.  That is awesome! But when they make a huge portion of the population feel like second class or even 0 class citizens, that can't be right.

In their defense, apparently they only stated that they SUPPORT the traditional family.  And support is a good word these days.  But unfortunately, the gay community has heard every kind of buzz word that is basically a hidden condemnation of their lives, they are a bit gun shy right now.  And rightly so. I have many friends who are gay AND Christian, but they can't find a church that will accept them.  That doesn't sound very Christian to me.  So, these people already feel like outcasts and to have someone in charge of a business say that they don't like them either (I know, I know, he DIDN'T say that, but unfortunately, the words he chose pretty much implied just that) what are they supposed to do?

They fight back, of course.

And I love a good chicken sandwich or a peach shake.  And if I am ever very hungry and near a Chick-fil-a, I will probably still go there.  But I want to encourage gay families to go there, too.  Dine in.  Bring your kids.  Don't make a big deal about it.  Just let them know, that you accept them for who they are.  They are clearly very isolated and lonely.

Yes, I am straight and will always be straight.  After all, I know women, I am women, and we can't be trusted to not twist every word you say into some emotionally based battle.  We're crazy.  And we use that crazy very well.  But just because I think sleeping with women is icky, I am not going to say you can't do that.  If you are both consenting adults, do what you will.  Just don't invite me to hold the camera or tell me all the sordid details about it.  It's gross.  I also think watermelon is gross.  But hey, to each his own.  And you eating watermelon doesn't threaten my future fruit eating endeavors.  That's your seed spitting future, not mine.

So, again.  Go ahead and think homosexuality is icky.  That is your right.  But don't deny that these people are still people and deserve to have every right you do.  Whether they got married in a church or by the hands of some untrustworthy elected official.  They won't force you to watch them sit on the couch in their underwear because its laundry day, if you don't want to.

This is America.  And I feel like chicken tonight. But now I'm scared to eat it....

A good story or just a dream?

Yes, I dream long detailed stories...and I am rarely in my own dreams...depressing...But this last one, though the moral may be old and tired and the format it is in is even more old and tired, is it worth persuing as a more fleshed out story, play or screenplay?  Just a thought as I copy this from my dream journal:

Once there was a maiden whose beauty was so great she never had to work for anything. Her beauty worked for her. Men would fall over themselves to do things for her and women were afraid to challenge her for fear of the men calling them jealous or cruelly compare their beauty to hers.


The maiden was very happy.  The villagers were not.


Then one day, a great wizard came to town. He saw the people of the village and how they struggled day to day. This maiden truly was a vision, but she never knew hard work.


The wizard told the villagers that the maiden didn't belong there. She belonged in his castle, far up the mountain.


The villagers were surprised, but they were sad to see her go. Although they agreed a castle was a far more suitable place for a maiden such as she.


The maiden was very excited. She always knew a wish from the heart of one as pure as she would be heard and answered. She bravely accepted the wizard's invitation.


The journey up the mountain would be difficult, she was warned. This worried the maiden until the wizard assured her that this was a difficulty she would not be expected to endure. He would use his magic to send her to his castle and he would see her there in a short time.


The maiden was relieved to know her beauty would be spared the hardships of mountain climbing and she gladly accepted the wizard's magic travelling spell.


She felt she was gliding through a tube filled with warm water. It was the strangest, yet most pleasant sensation she had ever encountered.


She zipped and zoomed, feet first toward her destination.


When she arrived, she found herself in the gardens of a beautiful castle.  She immediately felt like she was where she belonged.


A young boy appeared in a doorway and waved her inside.


The maiden walked slowly up the stone steps, taking her time to enjoy the flowers and the bubbling water fall that went into the koi pond. She caught a quick glimpse of her reflection and noticed her hair appeared slightly mussed. She casually tried to smooth her hair as she entered the castle.


The tall ceilings were adorned with impressive tapestries, depicting stories she told herself she would study later. The maiden felt there was something off.  Something didn't feel quite right to her. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it.


Then it hit her. The boy. He had his back to her as he led her through the castle. He wasn't studying her like most people did. Somehow, he was not impressed. This was a strange feeling to her. It almost made her feel.........sad.


They came to a doorway and the boy stopped. He took a quick glance at the maiden, then looked away. His lack of interest in her appearance actually cut her like a knife this time.


Suddenly the wizard appeared through the doorway. He thanked the boy and welcomed the maiden to her new home.


"Now, let me show you what your duties will be."


"Duties?" the maiden croaked. This was not a word she was familiar with, although she did know what it meant.


"Yes of course." The wizard led her through the doorway that led to a long, dark, stone staircase. Down below, she heard an unearthly sound.


The maiden was a little nervous now.  Before they headed down the stairs, they passed a mirror. The maiden paused to give further attention to her hair and was terrified by what she saw.


Her hair was a dull grey. Stringy in some places, strawlike in others.  Completely untameable. But that wasn't the worst of it. There were deep, dark bags under her eyes and a large ravine of a scar that ran from above her left eyebrow, down her cheek and through the left side of her trembling lips. Her skin, once creamy and youthful, was now a horrifying greyish yellow.


The maiden cried out and began to sob.


"My dear, don't cry. You're still as beautiful as you always were. This is just for your own protection."


The maiden didn't understand or didn't care as the wizard took her by the arm and gently led her down the dark and winding stairs.


The unearthly sounds at the bottom of the stairs were now in harmony with the wails of the poor maiden.


"After all, dragons only eat beautiful young maidens."


Dragons?


"I need a young lady to feed and care for my dragon. You are perfect for the job. You haven't been overworked by back breaking labor in your village.  You are full of youthful energy. But this spell to hide your beauty will save your life."


The maiden didn't think life was worth living at all anymore.


The boy smiled at her. This time he really looked at her and it turned her stomach. What was her life to become?


Suddenly, she was face to face with a very large and very toothy purple dragon.


"Don't move," the wizard warned. "Let her smell you first!"


The maiden was rigid in fear. The only movement came from the tears that rolled down her cheeks.


The dragon was satisfied that she wasn't lunch and moved back to its nest.


Many handsome princes and knights would come to the wizard requesting spells and potions. Not a one would see a beautiful maiden. Just the hag that could retrieve ingredients from the beast downstairs.


The maiden feared her dreams would never come true now, looking the way she did.


This is as far as my dream went, but I kinda know where I would go with the story.  Its probably obvious.  But is it worth persuing and in what format?  I think I kinda like this story, but of course, in dream journal form it is far too simplistic...I also have a monologue I wrote years ago, that might could fit in here somewhere....I dunno....Any thoughts from the peanut gallery?

It's my birthday!

So watch my reels!

My general reel.

My dramatic reel

My comedic reel.

My commercial/industrial reel.

Now I just need a voice over reel and then I will be somebody!!!!

Faith

Sometimes I have ugly voices in my head.
Sometimes?
Nearly all the time.
I have been called ugly and old and fat by casting people in the past. And, I handled it well as it happened, but I allowed it to fester and scar me . And THAT is my own fault.
I used to wish I was someone special.  Someone that people thought about and smiled. But the ugly voices in my head say, "Ha! As if!"
I have been pretty down for a while now. Even when the sane side of my brain KNOWS and REMINDS my crazy brain all the wonderful blessings in my life that should bring a smile to my face. I have relinquished my smile to ugly thoughts.
I HATE not having control over my emotions.
I think about the person I thought I was in high school. I thought I was a nobody, someone that people would just as soon run over with their cars than talk to in the hallway.
But now that the past is so far away, I think I was completely wrong.
People used to come to my house all the time. Unannounced. They just came to hang out, play Scrabble with me or my mom. My house was a safe place to be yourself.
And as terrible a friend as I am...well, not so much terrible, but lazy...many of these people still stay in touch with my mother and I today.
Some of these people felt outcast and unloved by the world, too. And somehow, they feel safe with me.
Some of these people are no longer with us. And I think they passed on thinking/knowing that I was a good person.
And THAT does make me special.  Even though I wasn't friends with the most "important"/popular people in school.  I think I was a form of popular in my own right.
I was kind.  It takes a lot to shock me, so people felt comfortable telling me anything.
It makes me sad that I couldn't appreciate who I was back then.  So, why is it so hard to appreciate who I am now?
Why perpetuate this stupid mobius strip of self hatred?
Is this brought on by society?  ("And this is society's fault because...?")
Do I feel less of a person because I am not the standard of beauty?
Is this a chemical imbalance that maybe I can help with medicine or chocolate?
And why do I always feel a little better writing my crazy thoughts out for random people to see?
Even in high school, I would write poems about my feelings on chalk boards or notebook paper that I would  "leave behind" in a classroom for "someone/anyone" to find.
Some people feel the need to purge themselves of food...I need to purge myself of emotions sometimes.
Weird. Maybe a little gross.
But I always like myself a little more afterward.  I love introspection.
So, right now I am wondering why I continue to allow myself to be abused in audition situations.
Does there come a point when it is just stupid that I keep trying? Are the people I audition for totally uncomfortable now when they see me because they know I am wasting my time and are too nice to tell me that to my face?
Or is what I am doing brave and admirable? Never give up. Never surrender.
I suppose its all perspective.
Although the definition of crazy is "doing the same thing repetitively and expecting different results."
I guess I am a little crazy.
I think I am okay with that....

Graphic Arts

To my facebook "friends" who think they are doing "God's work" or something by posting graphic photos of animals being abused and tortured, PLEASE STOP!
Your message is not being processed in the way you think and I never delete friends, but I may start soon.
To wake up Easter Sunday with a litany of suffering animals in my newsfeed is NOT the way to start a holiday!

Have any of you even thought about where these photographs came from? The photographer is either merely standing by and watching while these creatures suffer or these photos are photoshopped to elicit your rabid responses.

Either way, these photos should not continue to be shared! And all they do is upset me greatly. I do not have the resources to run to Africa to save these poor babies, or burst into an LA dog fighting ring. I am helpless, and these pictures rarely give options for those of us without millions of dollars to make a difference. If they do, I am suspicious to their legitamacy being that the photos were taken by heartless bystanders anyway!

Many of you jump on to these animal rights fights without research. I remember trying to diffuse an anti "certain celebrity" campaign because everyone believed she had used her celebrity status to purchase a sloth as a pet. In actuality, her fiance had contacted a rescue group to have one brought to the house for her birthday, said sloth was under watchful eyes of the expert handlers the whole time. No one "played" with the sloth or put it in silly outfits. It was there. That is all. After that was explained, the indignance continued with "they shouldn't have been in the house to begin with, they belong in the wild."

This is a rescue group, people. This creature likely wouldn't survive in the wild. These people were giving this animal great care.

Please, please please stop posting graphic photos of animals in horrific situations. Think about what they mean or where they actually came from before you share such things. Think about the kids who might see these pictures in the newsfeed and not understand what they are seeing. You are desensitizing them to this imagery because you post so much of it! You just may be creating more animal abusers in the long run.

But at the very least, before you get on your soap box about anything, do your research. And as they say in comedy "know your audience."

I don't normally do these anti anything posts, but its getting to be enough is enough. Seriously. I am sick over it!

Knock it off. Go hug a cow! I did!

Christmas Epiphany

I dug this blog out from my old myspace blogging days...I believe it is an oldie but a goodie...What do you think?


My latest bathroom epiphany  is about Santa Claus.
****Spoiler Alert*******Innocents Read No Further!!!**********
I have come to the conclusion that Santa Claus came into existence to teach us how to give selflessly.
Seriously, giving is always great.  You give a gift to someone, you see their eyes light up "Oh!  It's just want I always wanted!"  What a great feeling you get.  Admit it.  You give to get that good feeling of making someone happy.  I do.  Its very selfish and I am well aware of it.  But so what?  Its a win win situation.
Then there is Santa Claus.  Parents, year round, put up with, "But mommy I want it!"  "Why not, daddy?"  "You're a mean mom and I hate you!"  But Santa?  Oh, he's the best!  I love Santa!  Yeah, me too! 

Whatever Santa brings is perfect.  Just what I always wanted.   Although, I do recall a few Christmases Santa brought me bras and underwear and I thought, "You sadistic little..."  He KNEW my parents would be video taping this moment to watch and rewatch as I unwrap my little A cup bras and floral panties.  Someday, my husband will be forced to watch those embarrassing moments.
I think back now, how my parents never once blurted out, "Hey!  I gave you that Barbie Dream House equipped with real bubbling hot tub!  I am the best!  Your Santa Claus is a fraud!  A sham!  LOVE MEEEEEEE!!!"
They pretended that all they could afford was one little box with a new shirt or skirt inside.  Meanwhile Santa must have gotten a celebrity discount at Toys R Us or went shopping on triple coupon day, showering us ungrateful children with piles of perfectly wrapped gifts. 
I love the idea of Santa Claus.  The magic of waking up and finding a pile of gifts where there was only a chair the night before.  Where there was only a wrinkly old stocking, now stretched to its limit hanging from the mantle awaited my own personal sock full of joy...lipgloss, jewelry, candy...everything! 
But what I love more is the idea of my selfless parents, who never took credit where credit is due.  For all those years of filling my Christmas Eves with magical anticipation and my Christmas morns with piles of gifts I hardly believe I deserved, I heartily thank you.  You deserve all the credit of Santa and none of the screaming children tinkling in your lap at the mall!

I Love Everyone...and You're Next

Those of you who know me wouldn't categorize me as a "rabid Christian"...or a Christian rabbi, for that matter...But at this time of year I start to think a lot about my atheist friends and what the season means to them.

A local city hall is currently in a battle with one of their resident atheists regarding the nativity scene they have on their municipal grounds.  I am not sure if they have other religions represented as well, that wasn't mentioned.  But I have driven by other city halls to see light up menorahs beside the glowing, plastic baby Jesus.  I find it perfectly acceptable.  Although tacky in all its plastic splendor, it is merely a symbol for what the citizens are reflecting on this time of year.

However, in this particular municipality, an atheist is insisting that the nativity scene is offensive unless he can also display his atheist sign stating: "There are no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.  There is only our natural world.  Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

Read more: http://www.wxyz.com/dpp/news/region/macomb_county/warren-atheist-wants-to-place-controversial-sign-next-to-nativity-scene#ixzz1hI31Gee2

Now, forgive my ignorance of atheist beliefs, I haven't had atheistic leanings since I was a semi-rebellious  teenager, but isn't atheism the "absence of belief?"  I am sure it isn't so cut and dry as that, but to me, if you were an atheist, seeing a nativity display or a menorah or whatever would be no different than if city hall displayed a statue of The Simpsons sitting on a couch on their front lawn.  To an atheist, religion is mere fiction.  So, why be offended by a nativity scene?  Or is this the same person who wrote MTV back in the 1990s to get BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD to stop saying the word "Fire" because it encouraged people to set fires?  Do they believe a plastic nativity scene is a subliminal recruiting tool?

It just seems silly to me is all.  In our society we have a bunch of people desperately searching for something to offend them so they have excuses to scream rude things or serve their neighbors with legal papers.  When people get mad at you for saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," that is just as bad as the atheist gentlemen pitching his hissy fit at city hall.  I merely said, "Happy Holidays" I said nothing about fornicating with your mother.  What is the big deal?  It was a positive statement, I am not trying to take Christ out of Christmas, I just didn't want to have to spend 3 hours determining which religious holiday (or not) you may be celebrating before wishing you a good one...Also, "Happy Holidays" covers Boxing Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, President's Day, Ground Hog Day, etc in case I don't see you before then or someone whacks you in celebration of Godfather's Day.

So, if you are an atheist, please do share why you are so sensitive to the "faerie tales" that give other people peace in their lives.  Most of us aren't out their to drag you kicking and screaming to church.  I think I learned my lesson after The Crusades.  If you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Man, please do make a glowing plastic likeness of him and offer him to your city hall to display on their front lawn.  But to merely make a sign that says "I am smart and you are dumb" is not freedom of speech.  It's just spiteful.  And frankly, unnecessary.  Why can't you be like the rest of us and just think or blog about the stupidity of the world?  Must you make a sign, too?  If that's the case, display your hatred on your own front lawn.  

I am a Christian.  The thought that there is life after this gives me hope and peace and something to live this life towards.  It may not make sense.  But neither does my fear of jello.  It's just who I am.  

Sometimes I feel sorry for people who don't believe in God or Heaven.  To think that this life is it and then nothing just makes everything so dark and depressing to me.  But I would never put a sign up to say, "Atheists are depressing"...Nah, I'd just write a blog about it.

So, I would just like to say to anyone who is reading this right now, I truly wish you a happy holiday...whatever you are celebrating.  And whether or not you believe that there is life after this one, try to make the best of what you have now...and share the love and kindness with those around you.  

And for the love of *insert deity or favorite faerie tale character name here* stop being so freaking sensitive!

Love & Marriage

So, my sister got married this weekend.  As you can see, she had a great time and was devastatingly beautiful...I cried...a lot!  And I don't really consider myself a crier...

But let me start at the beginning.  Of course, Dana was stressed the night before, and I tried to keep her calm...But of course, I don't have those skills.  No one really slept the night before...including Jeff who was sick AND had a band gig the night before. 

As Jeff drove me that early morning to the salon to get my hair and makeup done, we also had Brompton in the car.  He was going to stay at my parent's house that night so that Jeff and I could stay in the hotel with the bridal party.  My iphone was in my pocket and locked, although the bluetooth was connected to my GPS.  Suddenly, Brompton kicks me in the side and the phone says, "Calling Vet"!  Jeff says, "Brompton, what's wrong?"
It's like a one and a million move that Brompton would kick my locked phone causing it to unlock, scroll through my contacts and dial the Vet!  What the heck!? 
So, I had a good early morning laugh.
Then at the salon, it turns out my hair stylist was also named Jackie, but my makeup artist used to do theatre with me back when I was in Macomb Jr Players!  Such a small world!

Next laugh came when mom came to drop off the wedding dress.  She took me to the back room and asked "Wanna see the girls?"  She unzipped her jacket to show her amazing new push up bra!  I fell back, laughing, but that really was a nice bra doing an amazing job! :)

We got on the limo bus to see Eric's Aunt Kathy had made us a gift basket for the limo stock full of delicious goodies!  I was glad because I had eaten nothing yet, but didn't intend to eat until at least after the ceremony to preserve my makeup.

Meadow Brook Manor was beautiful, and my sister really fit in with the architecture in her lace gown.  But it was kinda odd and off putting that people were pushing past us as we waited to walk down the aisle, because they were still conducting tours!  Even during the ceremony, we saw lookieloos...Which as an actor, I found cool, but non-show offy people might have been uncomfortable.

I began to cry the second I started walking down the aisle...That picture is going to be hideous!  I cried mostly because this was finally happening and now nothing, not even selfish people who had been previously stressing her out, could ruin it for my sister at this point.

As soon as she came down the aisle and saw my blubbering face, she started to cry too...Okay, so I ruined it for it...Dammit...

The ceremony was unique and very sweet...I am not sure exactly what was said because I had to keep singing "poop poop poop" over and over in my head to keep from crying...I am sure I made some snarky remarks too...You get ridiculous Jacquie or you get uncontrollably sobbing Jacquie...I pick ridiculous...makes people less uncomfortable and I have less snot bubbles in photos.

My husband was the head usher and he worked his tail off (seriously, we haven't seen his tail since the wedding) despite being sick.  But he was wonderful.  And Dana's planner, Danielle was a hero to us all.

We took some photos at the manor, but we were being hurried out because apparently another wedding was being held there the same day!  Wow...high turn over!

The photographers teased me for showing shoulder in some photos...I said, "I know I am dripping with sexy...like organic peanut butter."
"Did she say peanut butter?!" one photographer asked.
"Organic peanut butter" the other clarified...
Yep, still being ridiculous...Don't stop me now!

We got in the limo and went to the middle school where Dana and Eric first met when they were kids.  They took some adorable photos there.  Then we went to check into our hotel for the evening.  (After stopping for more beer....seriously, no one could wait til we got to the reception? C'mon!)

Then there was the reception.  I was soooo nervous to give my Megatron of Honor speech (remember, every time you say "Matron of Honor" my hips get a little wider).  I had the speech on my iphone and I was shaking so much that I kept clearing the screen.  I didn't disappoint.  I still wrote a short play about Dana & Eric (with Jeff playing a very convincing Eric), but I was more proud of my final line,which got me blubbering all over again:
     So if I have to say something poignant, I guess it would be this:
May God bless you both.  I am so glad I can call you sister and now you brother...But I am more proud that I can call you my friends.  
        To family.  To friendship.  To Dana & Eric.

Jeff  thought I copied it from somewhere, so I felt proud that it sounded so good.  Still I shook and fumbled through the whole thing...so it might not have gone over as well as I wrote it.  Stupid stage fright!  And I am an actor!

Then there was the buffet and the photo booth...Oh how we loved the photo booth!

But the dancing was actually a lot of fun too!  I blame my years at Tony & Tina's Wedding. I am no longer embarrassed to dance like a fool in front of people.  I danced with my daddy a LOT!  Everyone loves to watch my daddy dance!  He has SKILLZ! 
All in all, I really think it was a wonderful wedding.  And I can understand my sister being sad that it is over now.  But I can't wait to look at the photos and the video and relive it all again!  She should be so proud that she pulled off such a classy affair, even though she is a Floyd girl!  I am proud!

Sometimes I feel...

...the only thing I contribute to this world is the timely scooping of Brompton's poop...

Down for the Holidays

So, the holiday season has already started difficult for us.
A few days before Thanksgiving, we lost our dear friend Nick Nettles. He was running on a treadmill, at the gym with his wife, when he had a sudden heart attack and died. He was 37, and seemingly extremely healthy. We were all quite shocked and devastated. Were? Are.
I am the worst nurturer and I feel horrible that I haven't been able to do more for his wife and mother, but they have AMAZING friends and I know they are helping them as best as they can.
Jeff's former bandmate has a four year old daughter that is now paralyzed because of a car accident.
Another friend of ours was held up at gunpoint as she was carrying her Thanksgiving groceries into her home. The gunman tied her up with jumper cables and duct tap, all the while apologizing to her and telling her his life story. After stealing everything but her beer and turkey, he leaves...She tries to get herself untied and the gunman returns. She screams at him to just leave and he apologizes again and asks him to help her load up HER car with HER stuff cause he can't carry it all. She helps him, handing over her car keys and he leaves.
I don't care what your situation is, no amount of apology can make doing something like that okay!
Another friend's wife just asked him for a divorce and he is very much upset about this, especially losing the step daughters he was just getting used to having in his life.

All of this ugliness has made us fairly sad and edgy. But Jeff and I know we have each other. We are trying hard to spend our cash as well as our time wisely this holiday. Family is so important. And friends are family too.

We've also been blessed with some successes with our careers. But it doesn't seem worth bragging about right now.

Right now, I just want everyone to know how much I love them and should they need me, I will MAKE time for them! In this life, time is rarely our own. But there are situations where you just need to say "I need to get my priorities straight and love is more important than a paycheck."

Tell everyone you love how much you love them...as often as they will tolerate hearing it!

Squisher's Atonement

I have never committed vehicular homicide...until this past sunday.

I pulled into a parking spot at the apartment complex I was filming at in Novi. I was a little early, so I checked my facebook with my phone before getting out of the car.

Ten minutes later, I exit the vehicle only to see a pool of blood by my back tire. Behind that, a little turtle, no bigger than my hand.

"No no no!" I screamed.

I bent over and picked it up.

It screamed. I didn't know turtles could scream. But this one did. Its shell was cracked by its neck, and some organs were dangling out. I couldn't help him and I was devastated. I took him over to the grass and held his foot. I apologized profusely. I don't know why I had to park in that particular spot...there were spots everywhere. I chose that one! If I had parked elsewhere, I would have seen him and moved him to safety before this tragedy could occur.

I held his foot until I knew he was gone...I wanted to take his pain away. I wanted to save him...I could do nothing...I was helpless...and that is terrifying.

Then I had to go and film a comedy as if this turtle's life meant nothing.

I mean, for all I know, he could have grown up to be the Hitler of turtles and I saved that apartment complex pond from animal genocide the likes of which we never would have imagined...but I kinda doubt that.

Its hard to remain dead inside. But I have to in order to get through my shoot. I have to laugh. Then I have to drive home.

And now, everytime I get behind the wheel, I gasp as I remember that turtle and the way it screamed...it sounded like the Jurassic Park dinosaurs. Just very, very, tiny.

I can't bear having an innocent creature's death on my hands. But I didn't intend to kill him. Still, if I had hit a child, even without intending to hit it, I would probably go to jail.

This is why I wrote SQUISHER'S ATONEMENT. Because why do we feel animals are second class to humans? Why are their lives worth less than ours? I'm glad I am not going to jail, but I think my mind has put me in prison anyway.

I hear that scream as I drive. I gasp. I get all tingly around my shoulders and my ears start to ring...I feel like I might pass out. But I better not. Then I might kill some people if I pass out while driving.

I am sorry, turtle. You deserved better. I didn't mean to squish you. I hope you are slowly crawling through God's parking lot now without a worry in the world. I will see you in Heaven.

For me, Heaven will be me and all the animals I've ever loved, just cuddling and loving one another. Oh, my family will be there, too, I am sure...But nothing beats a good kiss from a puppy.

Turtles can't kiss. But I hope they can forgive...

Back to the dark ages

I went to a party this weekend. Alone, because Jeff was filming in Port Huron and I really felt like being "social." Also, there were cupcakes promised.

I was having fun, chatting and all...this is all out of my comfort zone, because I am NOT a social person...even less so without the husband present. But I thought I was doing well.

I took a peek at the folks in the back yard. I saw a friend's husband had climbed the tree out back. I shouted that he looked like a Ren Fest actor up in the tree.
I decided to join the festivities in the back and suddenly, Treeman decides to throw a stick at me. I look up just in time to lift my hands to protect my face, but not fast enough to remember I had a cup of wine in my hands. I was covered in wine and humiliated. And no one had anything to say about the situation. Not an "are you okay?" or a "sorry about that."

I had a flashback to when I was in elementary school and I was playing with a friend who lived on my street. She had a neighbor that hated me for some inexplicable reason. This friend wanted to play too. So, we were playing in the neighbor's yard, when I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I was told that I wasn't allowed in the house, so I ran half a block home to go to the bathroom.

When I walked back, the neighbor kid's older brother said to me, "I wouldn't go back there if I were you. They're going to tell you to 'get, scat."
I had no idea what that meant, so, I kept walking. I turned into the driveway and a bunch of kids, including MY friend, were sitting in the garage, chanting "Get! Scat!" and throwing things at me. Basketballs, gardening tools, whatever they could reach...some even reached me.

As I ran home in tears, the brother shouted "I tried to warn you!"

I was feeling like these people wanted me to "Get! Scat!" at this party, too. I felt tears welling inside me. This wouldn't have happened if Jeff were here. They would have thought I was too cool to throw things at then. Now I look like a tool covered in wine and no one cares...I walked behind the garage to regain my composure. I decided to go inside with the smaller crowd and chat with them instead. I calmed down and talked myself into staying. And I am glad I did. I got to play Rock Band for the first time and stayed out later than I have for "fun" in years.

But I still wonder why I almost left. Just because a mob in the backyard lacked manners, didn't mean I needed to "get! scat!". Someone at the party was going to want my companionship and conversation skills. I just wish I could have brought that little girl with tears in her eyes to join the party, too. She was a nice girl and a lot of people missed out on her friendship...I'm glad I know who she is...

my final bad review

Box 5:
Reviewing a show on the last night of its run is not our usual policy. But because of schedule conflicts and snafus, I was not able to catch Box 5 until the closing night of BoxFest. And to be honest, I'm glad I did!
In years past, Boxfest has produced at least one show - or maybe two - that knocked attendees' socks off and generated plenty of buzz. And while a few shows this year were certainly well staged and thoroughly enjoyable, none reached the level of excitement that Timeless: The Dancical earned a few years ago or The Opal Show did last year. Both had celebrated lives after BoxFest, and each subsequently earned a Wilde Award nomination for best original comedy.
Such a fate could also be in the future for Armchair Dating by Margaret Edwartowski, whose drama Snowbound earned the up-and-coming playwright a 2010 Wilde Award nomination for Best New Script. In this delightful comedy, an artist named Peter (Matt Forbes) and an actress named Liz (Julie Brock) are set up on a first date by Peter's best friend and longtime roommate, Chuck (Ryan Falcheck). The play opens after the date when Peter gets home - and Chuck wants to know how it went. Likewise, Liz's friend Anita (Megan Wright) wants to hear the gory details. So through flashbacks we learn what happened - and why a second date may not be likely. Or will it? Edwartowski's dialogue sparkles throughout, and her characters are totally believable and well conceived. In lesser hands, though, her concept of jumping back and forth through time to tell her story COULD have been confusing to follow, but director Andrea Scobie expertly moves it through time and place with careful precision. (At the end of the night, Scobie was honored - and deservedly so - as winner of the audience vote competition, which enables her to stage a late night show this season at Planet Ant Theatre.) Performances were fine all around, but Forbes and Falcheck were best at creating wholly unique characters.

The second and final one-act, Birthday Beer by Jacquelyn Priskorn, shows what can happen when longtime friends of the opposite sex move in together - supposedly just as friends. But one has feelings for the other, which bubble to the surface when Carla (Carla Angeloni) learns Dean (Patrick Hanley) has invited his ex-girlfriend (and now stripper) to dinner to celebrate his birthday. Personally, I didn't believe Dean's scene-ending conversion, but I suspect romantics and Lifetime TV viewers may see it otherwise. Partly, my reaction was the result of an under-developed script; it could have used some additional time to show us the deeper connection between the two friends. But I also didn't see any real character development on the part of the actors that proved to me their love for one another was real.

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/jacquiefloyd/blog?bID=538496476#ixzz0xRfwdftd

and another bad review for me!

I am not too bummed about this one seeing as how i think i wrote this play in 1998!


Block 5, the only hour featuring two plays instead of three, is home to the requisite dating stories. First is Armchair Dating (by Margaret Edwartowski; director Andrea Scobie), in which a man and a woman (Matt Forbes and Julie Brock) dissect and evaluate their first-date behavior after the fact with their respective friends (Ryan Falcheck and Megan Wright). The concept of shifting time from the date in progress to the postgame makes way for some outstanding comic bits and one-liners. However, despite the evident chemistry between soft-spoken Forbes and too-eager Brock, the scenario — and its frequently stereotypical friend-types — cries out to be pushed farther for bigger laughs. The two-person Birthday Beer (by Jacquelyn Priskorn; director Keara Woods) makes its premise immediately apparent to anyone who’s ever suffered unrequited love, as Carla (Carla Angeloni) falls all over herself to prepare a nice birthday for her friend and roommate, Dean (Patrick Hanley). The piece struggles with a script that lumbers obviously toward its obvious conclusion and stiff performances that might have loosened up with more rehearsal.

And a bad review for me

Current mood: frustrated

There's always one bad review..at least...but somehow I am not sure I put a lot of stock in this guy's statements about my script...

Box 3 - reviewed by John Quinn
As faithful readers, you already know about the festival of plays, directed by women, now in rotation at The Furniture Factory. What you don't know yet is how tough it is for a director to deliver a cogent point of view in the period of time that these short-short one acts allow. In many cases, the director's success depends more upon the structure of the material than on her creative talents.

So short are these scenes that the earlier the audience understands the action, the better the entertainment experience. Comedy is going to be easier to "sell" because a plot driven by situation need not have deeply drawn characters, location or motivation. The playwright can rely more on archetypes than originality.

This mix of drama and comedy is a satisfying stew, and each part brings a distinct flavor to the palate. In fact, BoxFest is so tasty I overstayed my welcome and saw more shows than I needed to review. It's as addictive as browsing viral videos on YouTube, but a lot classier. The fact that these 16 directors are so good when so new to this end of show business means theater in Detroit can only get better!
There are some morsels to savor.

There Will Come Soft Rains by Jacquelyn Priskorn is probably one of the tougher challenges a director could face. The drama opens eerily on a draped corpse and single mourner. We know nothing about either; even the location is uncertain. We can finally infer that our characters, Arlo (Kevin Barron) and Zoe (Cara Trautman), may be the sole survivors of an unidentified pandemic in some dystopic parallel universe. They're living in a funeral parlor with the body of Arlo's lover, Brian (Sean Paraventi), who might have been one of the first victims. Dialogues by nature are static, and this one is no exception. There Will Come Soft Rains is an emotionally charged piece. While director Kennikki Jones makes an admirable effort to draw us into Arlo and Zoe's emotional orbit, the playwright does not seem to have given her the time or material to properly develop the characters.

Wonder by Kelly Rossi is an audience favorite. The naughty comedy features Megan Amadon and Angie Ransdell as two friends in an airport, killing time before a flight indulging in random chatter. The "wondering" angle comes in as they speculate what it's like to have a penis. I will let you "wonder" from there. This is another static dialogue, and director Katie Galazka tries to liven up the action. Some of the blocking is unnecessary, since the audience is more interested in what we're hearing than what we're seeing. The writing is crisp and wicked, which added a little spice to the performance.

A larger, more elaborate "dramedy" is John Wencel's Flowers, directed by Kristen Wagner. The play is slightly longer, and the playwright has better outlined the characters. He has given the director a good handle on the plot. The setting is immediately understood: Beth Grayson (Linda Rabin Hammell) is a star whose twinkle is dimming. Stuck in the dressing room of a daily soap opera studio, her boredom is interrupted by the entrance of an adoring fan (Greg Prusiewicz). "Bobby," however, has secrets to share. Wagner brings an element of slapstick to the play that works very well – so well, in fact, the piece could have been more over the top without becoming campy.