I'm trying to be kinder to myself. How I think, act and speak out loud regarding my appearance and my abilities.
Sometimes I forget that other people will always compare themselves to others, just like I compare myself to others. And I need to stop. Because I am uniquely and beautifully me. I am not getting any younger...or thinner, really. And that shouldn't matter. But I am starting to learn that when I call myself names, other people can sometimes consider that a knock against them as well.
If a person just so happens to think I am attractive, but I say I am not, I am indirectly calling them wrong and stupid. Or what if this other person has worse self esteem than I do? What if they think they are uglier than me? Then I totally just called them a troll.
It's a lot of pressure to think that my own negative self views can be hurting other people, but it is all about the energy we put out into the world. And I am soon entering the fourth decade of my life. So, I should have myself in order by now.
I don't, by the way. But I know I need to treat myself a little better and learn to love my "flaws." Having a little belly isn't a crime. Turning down a free cupcake IS a crime. NO ONE has perfect skin. NO ONE. Only air brushing can make that happen.
The world needs to start seeing beauty in reality as well as the painted up images of magazines. There's nothing wrong with models, either. They are selling a fantasy. Who doesn't want a little magic and fantasy in the world? But when you demand the perfection of a magazine upon your fellow real life inhabitants, that is when things go wrong.
I want to be kinder to myself. I am a size 8. I will never be a size 4 again...maybe a size 6, but size 4 is the younger me. A just as worthy me. But a different me, nonetheless. And there is no need to mourn her passing. Instead I need to celebrate the amazing woman she is becoming.
And not feel guilty that I eat nachos for dinner while watching America's Next Top Model.
