Thursday, July 26, 2012

What? Are you chicken?

Amidst the current controversy regarding Chick-fil-a and their stance on "traditional marriage," I guess I have a few questions.

What really is "traditional marriage?" I don't think my husband and I have one.  We don't sit down to dinner together.  We rarely see each other.  But we love each other and what we have works.  Does that mean we are challenging the moral values of society?  Or is it okay, cause our marriage doesn't "gross people out?"

Also, why is it not an issue when atheists get married?  I mean, lots of people get married outside of a church. At a justice of the peace, in banquet halls or fancy houses.  Even outside in the cheap, showy-ness of nature.  But this, too, doesn't seem to upset a certain faction of society as much as two people of the same sex getting married.

I honestly don't get it.  Truly.  I need someone to explain this to me.  I am speaking as a wide eyed innocent who isn't very biblically educated, but I do consider myself a Christian.  Does this fact about me also challenge the moral right?  I don't know? I am an unarmed conservative, Christian, liberal...That is confusing, so it must be wrong...

I agree, every citizen has a right to an opinion.  That is what makes America great.  But, I do find the "freedom of expression" of certain groups, like the Westboro Church nutjobs a bit cruel...Oh, was nutjob too cruel a word?  Freedom of expression.

I don't recall anywhere in the new testament where Jesus condemns the homosexual, but, like many other people, I might just be reading exactly what I want to out of that book.

The old testament is very violent, as I learned from the little bit I watched of THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.  I admit, my research is a bit shoddy on this subject, but I've been busy lately and I just want some quick information that google can't provide apparently.  But in the old testament, aren't we supposed to shun menstruating women from our homes and such?  Probably a good idea, actually.  Menstruating women have a lot of opinions.  They might challenge morals or something.  Also, a lot of things that we can't avoid doing in today's society, like working on Sunday, were punishable by death.  It sounds almost like those rules were written by a menstruating man.  But I digress.

So, I mean, I always figured that no one else's marriage could challenge my own marriage.  What other people do in the privacy of their own homes is none of my concern, unless they are building a nuclear weapon or recording a new Nickelback album.  Unless their affairs threatens the very lives of others, let it be.

I mean, if we defined everyone by what they did behind closed doors, we would all be pretty gross, wouldn't we?  But only one group gets defined by this, because their "love gets shoved in our faces" when they leave their houses, holding hands or calling each other "baby." Even, gasp and drool, adopting babies!  Those babies would be better off in orphanages!  CHRISTIAN orphanages.

Seriously, I am confused.  I mean, I've eaten at Chick-fil-a, and I am impressed by their strong moral values and the fact that they aren't open on Sundays to allow their employees the Lord's day off.  That is awesome! But when they make a huge portion of the population feel like second class or even 0 class citizens, that can't be right.

In their defense, apparently they only stated that they SUPPORT the traditional family.  And support is a good word these days.  But unfortunately, the gay community has heard every kind of buzz word that is basically a hidden condemnation of their lives, they are a bit gun shy right now.  And rightly so. I have many friends who are gay AND Christian, but they can't find a church that will accept them.  That doesn't sound very Christian to me.  So, these people already feel like outcasts and to have someone in charge of a business say that they don't like them either (I know, I know, he DIDN'T say that, but unfortunately, the words he chose pretty much implied just that) what are they supposed to do?

They fight back, of course.

And I love a good chicken sandwich or a peach shake.  And if I am ever very hungry and near a Chick-fil-a, I will probably still go there.  But I want to encourage gay families to go there, too.  Dine in.  Bring your kids.  Don't make a big deal about it.  Just let them know, that you accept them for who they are.  They are clearly very isolated and lonely.

Yes, I am straight and will always be straight.  After all, I know women, I am women, and we can't be trusted to not twist every word you say into some emotionally based battle.  We're crazy.  And we use that crazy very well.  But just because I think sleeping with women is icky, I am not going to say you can't do that.  If you are both consenting adults, do what you will.  Just don't invite me to hold the camera or tell me all the sordid details about it.  It's gross.  I also think watermelon is gross.  But hey, to each his own.  And you eating watermelon doesn't threaten my future fruit eating endeavors.  That's your seed spitting future, not mine.

So, again.  Go ahead and think homosexuality is icky.  That is your right.  But don't deny that these people are still people and deserve to have every right you do.  Whether they got married in a church or by the hands of some untrustworthy elected official.  They won't force you to watch them sit on the couch in their underwear because its laundry day, if you don't want to.

This is America.  And I feel like chicken tonight. But now I'm scared to eat it....

Monday, July 16, 2012

A good story or just a dream?

Yes, I dream long detailed stories...and I am rarely in my own dreams...depressing...But this last one, though the moral may be old and tired and the format it is in is even more old and tired, is it worth persuing as a more fleshed out story, play or screenplay?  Just a thought as I copy this from my dream journal:

Once there was a maiden whose beauty was so great she never had to work for anything. Her beauty worked for her. Men would fall over themselves to do things for her and women were afraid to challenge her for fear of the men calling them jealous or cruelly compare their beauty to hers.

The maiden was very happy.  The villagers were not.

Then one day, a great wizard came to town. He saw the people of the village and how they struggled day to day. This maiden truly was a vision, but she never knew hard work.

The wizard told the villagers that the maiden didn't belong there. She belonged in his castle, far up the mountain.

The villagers were surprised, but they were sad to see her go. Although they agreed a castle was a far more suitable place for a maiden such as she.

The maiden was very excited. She always knew a wish from the heart of one as pure as she would be heard and answered. She bravely accepted the wizard's invitation.

The journey up the mountain would be difficult, she was warned. This worried the maiden until the wizard assured her that this was a difficulty she would not be expected to endure. He would use his magic to send her to his castle and he would see her there in a short time.

The maiden was relieved to know her beauty would be spared the hardships of mountain climbing and she gladly accepted the wizard's magic travelling spell.

She felt she was gliding through a tube filled with warm water. It was the strangest, yet most pleasant sensation she had ever encountered.

She zipped and zoomed, feet first toward her destination.

When she arrived, she found herself in the gardens of a beautiful castle.  She immediately felt like she was where she belonged.

A young boy appeared in a doorway and waved her inside.

The maiden walked slowly up the stone steps, taking her time to enjoy the flowers and the bubbling water fall that went into the koi pond. She caught a quick glimpse of her reflection and noticed her hair appeared slightly mussed. She casually tried to smooth her hair as she entered the castle.

The tall ceilings were adorned with impressive tapestries, depicting stories she told herself she would study later. The maiden felt there was something off.  Something didn't feel quite right to her. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Then it hit her. The boy. He had his back to her as he led her through the castle. He wasn't studying her like most people did. Somehow, he was not impressed. This was a strange feeling to her. It almost made her feel.........sad.

They came to a doorway and the boy stopped. He took a quick glance at the maiden, then looked away. His lack of interest in her appearance actually cut her like a knife this time.

Suddenly the wizard appeared through the doorway. He thanked the boy and welcomed the maiden to her new home.

"Now, let me show you what your duties will be."

"Duties?" the maiden croaked. This was not a word she was familiar with, although she did know what it meant.

"Yes of course." The wizard led her through the doorway that led to a long, dark, stone staircase. Down below, she heard an unearthly sound.

The maiden was a little nervous now.  Before they headed down the stairs, they passed a mirror. The maiden paused to give further attention to her hair and was terrified by what she saw.

Her hair was a dull grey. Stringy in some places, strawlike in others.  Completely untameable. But that wasn't the worst of it. There were deep, dark bags under her eyes and a large ravine of a scar that ran from above her left eyebrow, down her cheek and through the left side of her trembling lips. Her skin, once creamy and youthful, was now a horrifying greyish yellow.

The maiden cried out and began to sob.

"My dear, don't cry. You're still as beautiful as you always were. This is just for your own protection."

The maiden didn't understand or didn't care as the wizard took her by the arm and gently led her down the dark and winding stairs.

The unearthly sounds at the bottom of the stairs were now in harmony with the wails of the poor maiden.

"After all, dragons only eat beautiful young maidens."


"I need a young lady to feed and care for my dragon. You are perfect for the job. You haven't been overworked by back breaking labor in your village.  You are full of youthful energy. But this spell to hide your beauty will save your life."

The maiden didn't think life was worth living at all anymore.

The boy smiled at her. This time he really looked at her and it turned her stomach. What was her life to become?

Suddenly, she was face to face with a very large and very toothy purple dragon.

"Don't move," the wizard warned. "Let her smell you first!"

The maiden was rigid in fear. The only movement came from the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

The dragon was satisfied that she wasn't lunch and moved back to its nest.

Many handsome princes and knights would come to the wizard requesting spells and potions. Not a one would see a beautiful maiden. Just the hag that could retrieve ingredients from the beast downstairs.

The maiden feared her dreams would never come true now, looking the way she did.

This is as far as my dream went, but I kinda know where I would go with the story.  Its probably obvious.  But is it worth persuing and in what format?  I think I kinda like this story, but of course, in dream journal form it is far too simplistic...I also have a monologue I wrote years ago, that might could fit in here somewhere....I dunno....Any thoughts from the peanut gallery?

Friday, June 1, 2012

It's my birthday!

So watch my reels!
My general reel.

My dramatic reel

My comedic reel.

My commercial/industrial reel.

Now I just need a voice over reel and then I will be somebody!!!!

Monday, May 21, 2012


Sometimes I have ugly voices in my head.
Nearly all the time.
I have been called ugly and old and fat by casting people in the past. And, I handled it well as it happened, but I allowed it to fester and scar me . And THAT is my own fault.
I used to wish I was someone special.  Someone that people thought about and smiled. But the ugly voices in my head say, "Ha! As if!"
I have been pretty down for a while now. Even when the sane side of my brain KNOWS and REMINDS my crazy brain all the wonderful blessings in my life that should bring a smile to my face. I have relinquished my smile to ugly thoughts.
I HATE not having control over my emotions.
I think about the person I thought I was in high school. I thought I was a nobody, someone that people would just as soon run over with their cars than talk to in the hallway.
But now that the past is so far away, I think I was completely wrong.
People used to come to my house all the time. Unannounced. They just came to hang out, play Scrabble with me or my mom. My house was a safe place to be yourself.
And as terrible a friend as I am...well, not so much terrible, but lazy...many of these people still stay in touch with my mother and I today.
Some of these people felt outcast and unloved by the world, too. And somehow, they feel safe with me.
Some of these people are no longer with us. And I think they passed on thinking/knowing that I was a good person.
And THAT does make me special.  Even though I wasn't friends with the most "important"/popular people in school.  I think I was a form of popular in my own right.
I was kind.  It takes a lot to shock me, so people felt comfortable telling me anything.
It makes me sad that I couldn't appreciate who I was back then.  So, why is it so hard to appreciate who I am now?
Why perpetuate this stupid mobius strip of self hatred?
Is this brought on by society?  ("And this is society's fault because...?")
Do I feel less of a person because I am not the standard of beauty?
Is this a chemical imbalance that maybe I can help with medicine or chocolate?
And why do I always feel a little better writing my crazy thoughts out for random people to see?
Even in high school, I would write poems about my feelings on chalk boards or notebook paper that I would  "leave behind" in a classroom for "someone/anyone" to find.
Some people feel the need to purge themselves of food...I need to purge myself of emotions sometimes.
Weird. Maybe a little gross.
But I always like myself a little more afterward.  I love introspection.
So, right now I am wondering why I continue to allow myself to be abused in audition situations.
Does there come a point when it is just stupid that I keep trying? Are the people I audition for totally uncomfortable now when they see me because they know I am wasting my time and are too nice to tell me that to my face?
Or is what I am doing brave and admirable? Never give up. Never surrender.
I suppose its all perspective.
Although the definition of crazy is "doing the same thing repetitively and expecting different results."
I guess I am a little crazy.
I think I am okay with that....

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Graphic Arts

To my facebook "friends" who think they are doing "God's work" or something by posting graphic photos of animals being abused and tortured, PLEASE STOP!
Your message is not being processed in the way you think and I never delete friends, but I may start soon.
To wake up Easter Sunday with a litany of suffering animals in my newsfeed is NOT the way to start a holiday!

Have any of you even thought about where these photographs came from? The photographer is either merely standing by and watching while these creatures suffer or these photos are photoshopped to elicit your rabid responses.

Either way, these photos should not continue to be shared! And all they do is upset me greatly. I do not have the resources to run to Africa to save these poor babies, or burst into an LA dog fighting ring. I am helpless, and these pictures rarely give options for those of us without millions of dollars to make a difference. If they do, I am suspicious to their legitamacy being that the photos were taken by heartless bystanders anyway!

Many of you jump on to these animal rights fights without research. I remember trying to diffuse an anti "certain celebrity" campaign because everyone believed she had used her celebrity status to purchase a sloth as a pet. In actuality, her fiance had contacted a rescue group to have one brought to the house for her birthday, said sloth was under watchful eyes of the expert handlers the whole time. No one "played" with the sloth or put it in silly outfits. It was there. That is all. After that was explained, the indignance continued with "they shouldn't have been in the house to begin with, they belong in the wild."

This is a rescue group, people. This creature likely wouldn't survive in the wild. These people were giving this animal great care.

Please, please please stop posting graphic photos of animals in horrific situations. Think about what they mean or where they actually came from before you share such things. Think about the kids who might see these pictures in the newsfeed and not understand what they are seeing. You are desensitizing them to this imagery because you post so much of it! You just may be creating more animal abusers in the long run.

But at the very least, before you get on your soap box about anything, do your research. And as they say in comedy "know your audience."

I don't normally do these anti anything posts, but its getting to be enough is enough. Seriously. I am sick over it!

Knock it off. Go hug a cow! I did!