Grateful for friends who have my back

So, I unfortunately had to give up a fun trip to Traverse City with the MMP gang (and my husband and I were going to extend it through tuesday for a vacation to the UP). But lucky for me, Mary and Karey have my back filling in where I can't. I hope they take lots of pictures for me. I was really looking forward to that trip.

But instead I am interrupting Chrysler dealership meetings for the entire month of October. I am supposed to call to arrange my own flights, however, no one answered when I called. I left a message, but I have a feeling they won't call back and I will have to do this on a lunch break or something away from my computer and all the important loyalty awards numbers I hope get applied to all this travel.

I haven't flown alone since I was 18. And even then someone at least drove me to and from the airport. I have a feeling I am completely on my own here. My travel partner will be flying in and out of Grand Rapids.

I am more nervous about making flights and figuring out my transport to and from airports than anything...I hate not being totally prepared for details like that. And being alone makes it harder. I wish I could at least fly first class and have that to look forward to. I've never flown first class. Maybe to Ireland...

I leave for Texas on Monday, I believe. I have to be at the hotel by Monday afternoon. Hopefully I can get home by Thursday nights most of these weeks. And hopefully this will go by quickly.

We have been warned that our audiences will have a chip on their shoulders and may be sensitive to any improv jokes. Wah wah. Sounds like fun.

Also, we have to do 4 skits per meeting, two meetings a day each meeting running about 3 hrs each...wow...I doubt we'll have any down time. But meh, I would probably spend my downtime in my room ordering room service anyway.

I found out my scene partner and I are both Geminis...both born on June 2nd! Too weird! He may be fun, unfortunately I won't be sharing flights with him...just scenes and thats it...

I will have to figure out a way to make this a fun experience for me. But I am such a worrier. Maybe after the first week is done, I will get used to this. We are going to fun cities.
Dallas, TX. Houston, TX. Orlando, FL. Ft Lauderdale, FL. Atlanta, GA. Charlotte, NC. Memphis, TN and New Orleans, LA.

Maybe Jeff should come down to New Orleans and we can extend that into our vacation! That could be fun!

I just hope everything is okay.
The outfits they picked for me that I brought...I tried them on at home...they're a little tight. Better not do any stress eating before the trips begin!!!!!

On the road...again?

So, tomorrow begins a month of travel for work. Tomorrow I head to Grand Rapids. Crashing with Shirls and Tony before I film all day in Portland on Saturday, then Sunday morning I have an audition in Grand Rapids, rush to Sterling Heights for Osiris filming and prepare to start training for my new job traveling as a customer care "improv actor" for Chrysler. I think its Chrysler. Whoever it is is using a LOT of bailout money to make the month of October very lucrative for me.

Now, I am a huge fan of travel. It is fun to visit new places. But doing it alone makes me very nervous. And I don't even know where I am going or when yet. That makes me even more nervous. If I knew where I was going and when, maybe I could get excited to go see friends in these different states on my down time. I wonder if I will have down time.

Its very typical of clients not to book talent, nor give them info about their job until the very last minute. Mary made a good point that actors are thought of as "little dollies that they can take off the shelf whenever they feel like it." All we do is wait by our cell phones in our little hovels waiting desperately for "that call." We don't really need to make money, which is why we work for free so often. We don't have any other job but to audition and wait. And get new headshots taken every 6 months.

I am a little excited about all this travel. But I would be more excited if someone I knew was coming with me. Driving to and from the airport alone is depressing. But alas, this is the life I chose. And once October is over, it will be back to the Brainstormers van for me.

At least they tell me where I am going and with who well ahead of time...

Le Sigh

Well, even though I was stressed out looking forward to what my day was to be yesterday, I was excited, because it was finally full of opportunities. It had gotten to the point that I needed to wikipedia the word "audition" it had been so long since I had heard it. Monday, I had THREE auditions plus a rehearsal.

A normal day for Jacquie is walking the dog, writing and playing Bejeweled. So, I was just trying to figure out how I was going to make all four of my appoinments for the day. Then, I started thinking what will I do if I get all the projects I am auditioning for and all the work I would have to do to make the schedule work.

I got to my first audition of the day (one of two voice overs, because people see me walking down the street and say, "Damn! She should be on the radio!"). That audition panned into two more auditions. One of which I had to turn down because it shot on Friday and I am already booked for three Brainstormers shows that day. But I will do the audition on thursday that could put me on the road for the whole month of october.

The second audition was for another radio ad that I really didn't think I fit, but the guy running it was extremely impressed with my speed and articulation for the disclaimer portion. He said very few people do that in this market and its possibly a niche market I could get into. Neat. I am the female Micro Machines/Fed Ex dude.

Then I ran home, walked the dog, ate some rice and ice cream cake and went to BS rehearsal. We booked through that and I hurried to the Rep so I could get in early and read the script before the audition. I got there at 5:30pm. No one was there to let me in until 7pm. My audition was at 7:30pm. Needless to say I didn't get to read the script, despite my efforts. I was only allowed to read for a quadriplegic amnesiac. Once. Needless to say I got the call today that basically said, "Thanks, but no thanks." I am used to that call. Oh. SO. Used to that call. But it still makes me puke a little each time I get it.

Also. I know I didn't get the first audition of the day from yesterday because it is recording right now as I type. With whom, I couldn't tell you, but it isn't me or Jeff.

The second audition, I just didn't fit, so I am pretty sure I didn't get that either. And the voice over for the big puppet movie has apparently already called everyone, too. So, that ship has sailed.

I am nauseated with being forced to stick with the status quo in my life. Despite the scratching and struggling I've been doing. I've been at this damn career since I was 8 and I haven't the strength to quit. Even though all the signs and casting agents are waving at me to do just that. I can't.

But forgive me if I am a little angry with myself for having blown four auditions in one week. I may have to curl into a little ball and be sad for a few days, my friends.

To clarify

VERY much in love with my husband!
He takes very good care of me and I KNOW he loves me. (I love him more, but I am kookoo bananas about the love thing)

I just miss the courtship sometimes. But he really stepped up his game this holiday weekend...

He made me feel beautiful and special and young every chance he got...and right now he's sitting in the rain grilling me up some corn and hot dogs! Not quite corn dogs, but SO much better!

...its almost as if he reads this blog or something...

Nah! No one reads THIS blog!

Adrift in Matrimony

Any of you married folk out there understand how that feels?

Its like, when you were dating/engaged an effort was made to see you. An effort was made to make you happy and comfortable. But married, its okay to ignore your spouse. You can talk to them or see them tomorrow. After all, you friggin LIVE together, right?

Course, my married life is slightly different, too. I have a husband who has a stupid day job, PLUS weekend and evening performances. We're lucky to have dinner together once a month. I look forward to holidays just to spend time with the man. Perhaps that is why I have suggested we take one Christmas and spend it in Hawaii. Then I won't have to share him with family, too. I am greedy, I know.

Sometimes I wish we were a normal couple, not an artistic couple. We go to work, come home, have dinner and spend time together.

But the fleeting moments we have together are all business. And if I am upset about something, there's no time to deal with emotion. Its wasting precious business time.

I will NEVER miss being single. Being single SUCKED. Single means, never really trusting the intentions behind any male statement or action. True, being married can sometimes mean that, too. But only if you're in the wrong marriage. I trust all of my husband's actions and statements. I just wish more of them were laced with "I love you"s. We should never be too busy for that.

I often feel like, maybe I would hear those "I love you"s more if I were prettier...No, that's stupid. Look at the bikini model who just got chopped up by her husband the reality tv star. She was hot, and even that didn't protect her. In fact, that probably added to her demise with a sicko like that.

Then I think, what if I made more money? Yeah, that would probably work, because he could relax more. Unfortunately, its hard for me to get work/money. And my struggles to do so, well they make me upset and he doesn't like hearing about it.

What if I were a better housekeeper? HA! When would he be home to even notice that?

At this point, I think the only way I would hear "I love you" more from my husband would be if we won the lottery. And if I didn't win, he would be mad I wasted the money.

Fuckin' money.