Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Looking for a W

Current mood:  melancholy
I started yesterday off in a losing way.  But I figured I would stay positive about it.  No worries.  The two pounds I gained over the weekend will go away just as easily as they did last week...and then some!  I mean, I am really starting to look good over here cause people are starting to take notice.

But then I didn't get the positive phone calls I was hoping for/expecting (ie.  you're hired!) and I got 3 rejection letters for my plays!  I haven't had a W in my column since I got those two back to back commercials.  (One of which I still haven't been paid for and the other you never see me in anyway!)

I am starting to lose faith in myself...again!  Why is it so easy to lose faith in yourself in this industry?

Well, when you see the same 4 people getting the work you've been scratching for for years, that helps. 

I KNOW its not because I am not talented.  That is the one thing I have complete faith in.  But I have come to the conclusion that, with the way I appear now...even 20-30lbs thinner...I am extremely difficult to cast.  I just look "off".  Not "weird".  "Weird" gets you work, baby.  I just don't look "marketable."

You either need to be "hot" or "weird" looking.  I am neither.  So, unless I make my own projects, my Ws are few and far between flukes.

I don't want my working to be a fluke.  So, who has a suggestion to make my appearance more marketable?  Tyra Banks, give me a makeover!  Cuz right now, I am almost too sad to get out of bed and jump rope!