Sunday, February 21, 2010

Living a very surreal life!

So, I headed out the door this morning to shoot my Lafontaine i pull out of the driveway, the radio tells me m59 is going to be closed.  so i reprogram the gps to take me down back streets.  I made sure the producer knew i might be a little later than 930am and then i enjoyed the lovely lakeside winding roads to highland.
got on set with my several suitcases.  Got into hair and makeup and then waited til about noon before the director decided i just needed to change my socks...isnt it always the way?  you bring your entire wardrobe and end up just wearing what you came in.
So at around noon i finally get mic'ed up.  even tho i had no lines...i put my feet up on a desk over and over again and my scene partner played with my toes...for like an hour or so...very weird...
sat chatting with my fellow actors for 2 more hours before they released me.
while trying to manuever my way out of the dealership lot, i finally got the call that i was cast in the Michigan Lottery commercial!  It shoots wed.  Luckily Jen is an angel and will drive up to muskegon from chicago to cover my wed for me.  But I have a fitting on tuesday that hopefully colin can still help me make it to.  Its a SAG commercial and my first union job...very excited.
The wardrobe lady called me a few times and was hoping i could make it before 630pm on tues.  My last show is over at 2pm in muskegon, i might just squeak in depending on traffic and weather, but if colin can do my afternoon show, i'll make it for sure.
I get home and unpack and repack, kiss my adorable and supportive and amazingly talented husband goodbye and head out to follow the BSers van to Grand Haven.  On my way down John R road, I see an elderly man walking at an angle (while I am trying to work details out with colin).  the man does a face plant right on the ground, so i immediately pull over and dial 911.  But I forget my bluetooth is hooked up and can't understand why i can't hear them while i try to help the old man up.  His face is covered in drool and he is asking me to take him to the mall.  Luckily my vehicle is packed with clothes and there isn't an inch of room for him.  Finally 911 calls me back so I can hear them.  They say the man has been missing and they have been looking for him.  An officer pulls up just as he tells me an officer will be right there.  I tell the officer what i saw and ask if its okay if i leave.  he says sure and i take off.
I follow mark and mike down the freeways for a few hours.  We pull over in brighton for gas.  There are no free pumps, but i eventually get one and miss a call from the wardrobe lady while i pump gas.
i end up having to call her back when i am in the gas station, shouting into the phone onto her voice mail things like, "My bra size is 36B!"  I am quite a vision i am sure.
We finally get to grand haven by quarter after 9.  Looooong limbs are asleep and it was very lonely...i had to put my ipod headphones on for the last leg of the drive.
my room is adjoining to the boys'. I am able to park right in front of my outside entrance door.  No deadbolt, but the chainlock still works.  For some reason, i have a sliding door on the other side of the room to the outside...but i am too tired now not to feel safe!

I am so excited that i got two commercials in a row...i haven't shot anything since my comcast chicago spot 2 years ago! 
Looking forward to wed and praying colin will be able to be my hero tues afternoon...
God is helping me earn my stripes this week!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Good News I Can't Enjoy

Current mood:  stressed
So, I was at Carrie Ray casting three days in a row this past week!  I hadn't even been there in over a year!  So, that was crazy in itself...
I got cast in a Lafontaine auto dealer commercial.  It shoots sunday.
I also leave on tour to the west side of the state...grand haven/holland/muskegon shows.
I had a callback for a Mich lotto commercial.  Its SAG.  It pays more in one day (even if i was just an extra) than I would make in 3 days on tour...But for some reason, the producers need to see some talent from LA before they make their final decision...for a non speaking MICHGThey are 90% sure they want to use me.  Which would require a fitting on tues and a shoot on wed.  But they won't give me an answer til monday when I will already be on tour.
I suggested to the boss I train someone to take over for me this week, because there is also a waterworks rehearsal I am missing on thurs and a show i will barely make it back for on friday.  Plus Brompton needs to be groomed and Jeff is too swamped to take care of that for me.  Brompton is in such bad shape he is losing whole toenails in our carpet!  I am a horrible mommy.
But BS boss refuses to have "weak shows" with a new person and would rather have "weak shows" with me having a nervous breakdown.
So, instead, I have to drive my gas guzzling jeep out to grand haven (and i have broken turn signals and need an oil change, too) and plan to cut and run on my two partners should this opportunity arrive.
Jen is kind enough to come up from chicago on wed for me, but tues is still going to be a point of contention for me...
I may have to bow out of the waterworks show on friday just because I am sooooo completely stressed about this week.
I should be happy that after all these years, I am not only getting auditions, but getting jobs!  I was even "second choice" for the Toyota audition I went for.  Things are looking up.  Except the BSers albatross is hanging around my neck and destroying my hope for the future.  Better go cry myself to sleep again...I have an early call for an awesome job tomorrow...wish i could enjoy it...

Monday, February 15, 2010


THANK YOU for pointing out that CELEBRITY FIT CLUB is full of crap!

Also, thank you to FRANK THE ENTERTAINER A BASEMENT AFFAIR for having "real looking" ladies on the show...they are all really skinny, but they don't look like they're straight out of a magazine or anything.

Dear Jacquie, stop using television to validate yourself!

HA!  Like that's gonna happen.  When I am home alone, I talk to the Brompton and the tv.  The Tv is the only thing that talks back...It makes a quiet home less spooky.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and Jeff and I spent it in the best way possible.  Shopping!
We bought a new area rug for the front entryway, new barstools for the basement (still didn't spend enough to get the free Tv and Wii from Gardner White...wah wah).  We even found ourselves intimidating our young salesguy a little.  I didn't mean to, but how many people really ARE intimidated by me anyway?  I just wanted to make sure we didn't get stiffed on the deals posted all over the store.  He thought we were "big time actors".  Ha!  Not yet.

Then we went to Target to get Jeff costume pieces for his break out role in SIDE EFFECTS.  I got a new hat.  I love hats now for some reason...

Then he took me to a fancy schmancy jewelry store that is going out of business.  80% off most everything!  It took some of my favorite pieces down to as low as  $35,000!!!!  Ye Gods!
We almost walked out with a diamond and citrine necklace, but I told him I would rather have a new computer.  So we left with nothing.  It was romantic and fun to dream, but in the end, Jeff and I are way to practical to buy stuff like that.  I would rather wear fake jewels and laugh at the mugger when he runs off with my CZs instead of a 4 karat necklace!  Just saying.

We got our valentine's liquor to make manhattan's and eat our Valentine's Qdoba.  Good stuff, but I've been sick all morning today...perhaps someone has been slipping me Alli pills...cause tasty bad for me food keeps making me sick now!

We watched our Valentine's A TEAM and Sunday night Fox was just a fun day. 

Today I have an audition that could cause a lot of problems for the BSers if I get it, but we would NEED to work it out, because this is SAG, baby! :)
I just want to audition cause I haven't been on a Carrie Ray audition in a loooooong time...maybe over a year!  Gotta get back on the horse, so to speak...

So, yeah...

Oh and I dreamed I was a writer for KIDS IN THE HALL and didn't even know it until I saw their dvd box set years later...Someone owes me some Canadian money!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dear Celebrity Fit Club

Current mood: hungry
Screw you for making me feel fatter than I ever have in my life.
You have one girl on the show one inch shorter than me and 14lbs lighter than me. She was even told she has a normal BMI. But you're encouraging her to drop 20 more pounds!?
The other girl is one inch TALLER than me and only 2lbs heavier. She was in tears because you were telling her how overweight she was. And you know what? She looked a lot heavier than I am...Or am I just fooling myself? Now I am freaking paranoid!
Thanks celebrity fit club for even ruining birthday cake for me. They did a terrible gauntlet of military exercise and then were told they only burnt 500 calories, which was barely a sliver or the cake they had there.
I worked my quads out so hard after that, I cry when I sit down and get up off the toilet. And I am still fat.
You're all bastards and I am hungry

Monday, February 8, 2010

Story of My Life

So, I had an audition I felt pretty good about.  I was starting to consider myself the "Heather Locklear" of car companies after my successful run with Chrysler in October.

I read for Toyota, pretty confident I was doing a bang up job.  Knowing I was pretty strong in my improv skills...but I saw that Lise Lacasse was on the list too and it was over for me.  Sigh.

So, here I remain.  I got an email from TSPP telling me I was the director's SECOND choice...So, I will think positively and hope that the Chicago auto show goes well and maybe they will call for a second cast to finish off the auto show season.  Auto show money is stupid good.  And we got new carpet AND a new roof and I want a new laptop!

But my mom always reminded me of how throughout school...say they needed 3 representatives for the school spelling bee...I would be number 4.  If they needed 2 for the track meet, I would be 3.  Its the story of my life, being an also ran.

I try really hard to stay positive...and as often as you see me fail, you can SEE I am trying REALLY HARD.

But I am sick of being Mr. Cellophane.

I want my turn.  I do.  I always was positive about my career or I would have stopped auditioning long ago.  I was auditioning the DAY before my cancer surgery...hoping the good karma would pay off...nope.  I auditioned a week after my cancer surgery...nothing.

I have zero karma.  I am Ms Status Quo.  Nothing changes for the better or the worst.  I name this the "lifetime of the meh."

I really would like some guidance as to what my purpose is, other than bitching.  Cause I am getting tired of that...I want to have some awesome news for once. 

Any one out there with an over abundance of good karma?  Wanna shove a smidgen my way.

I want to be proud of myself.  I want to make my family proud.

But right now all I have going is "I have forseen my death.  It is at the bottom of a Brainstormers gig rig."

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Perhaps I have been going about this wrong

Current mood:  hopeful
I get so frustrated and upset with myself because no one seems to notice me or the hard work I have been putting into my career since I was 8 years old.

I immediately jump to the conclusion because one idiot director told me years ago to "get a mirror, get a life" that I never win because I am fat and ugly.

But perhaps I have been going about this the wrong way. 

Perhaps the desire for awards, kudos and more auditions is just wrong. 

Perhaps I should just be happy that I get to do what I love at all.  Some people don't even get that much.

Perhaps I should be happy that there really has never been a review out there slamming me or my appearance.  That in itself should be a win.

Perhaps trophies and prestige ISN'T what its all about.

What I need to learn is to take the little pats on the back I get from friends and make them soul trophies.  Make that the only thing that matters.  Because otherwise I am just a little black rain cloud on the world and my own career.

Its hard.  Especially when everyone else seems to get the actual awards, kudos and auditions.  But, changing a mindset never was easy...

Back to THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, I guess....

The Four Agreements®

The Four Agreements
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Don't forget to go tomorrow night!

2/2 Mitten Movie Project

independent short films
Host: Type: Network:
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
7:30pm - 10:30pm
Main Art Theatre - Royal Oak


independent short films

Contact: Connie Mangilin
Curator, Mitten Movie Project


Detroit, MI – The February 2nd Mitten Movie Project pays tribute to the art of making 48-hour shorts. Disturbingly beautiful, “The Message,” shows Detroit in all of its post-apocalyptic glory and is a shining example of what is possible in just 48 short hours. Also screening is the impressive World War II short, “The Commandant,” film festival favorite and Director Robert Joseph Butler’s personal fave, “Solitude,” and the inspiring documentary about Detroit renaissance/revival, “The Farmer and the Philosopher.” The February Mitten Movie Project takes place on Tuesday, February 2nd at 7:30 p.m. at the Main Art Theatre (118 N. Main Street, Royal Oak 48067). For presale tickets and more information, go to

For Mike Zawacki, the director of “The Message,” this was his second time crewing on a 48-hour short. (Zawacki crewed on Paradise Valley Media’s “A Little Knowledge” -- the short that won the Detroit chapter of the 2009 48 Hour Film Project, and which qualified them for the international shootout.) Regarding the challenges of making a 48-hour short, Zawacki explained, “It's harder to fine-tune the script, . . . harder to do pre-production, to come up with locations, costumes, set dressings, and props. It's harder to shoot, and harder to rehearse with your actors.” But as Zawacki further explained, “Where it really bites you is in post-production. Until it's edited you can't start composing and/or laying in the music and you can't start sound designing (which is possibly the most time intensive part of post production!).”

To overcome those challenges, Zawacki said that “[f]irst and foremost you should try to crew up with quality people whom you've worked with before.” Then the next step is to “frontload pre-production and cast a very broad net in terms of actors, locations, props, and so on.” Another important aspect of completing a 48-hour short is “scheduling and having a predetermined work-flow.” A production needs a “clear map of what you're going to be doing when, from the minute you get your script elements to the minute you hand in your completed film. Not just call sheets and shooting schedules, but deciding how long you'll have to write, how long you'll have to edit, at what point does your editor hand over a cut to sound and music, how long to work on sound and music, what is your editor doing while sound and music are finishing their work, and so forth.”

Normally, 48-hour competitions have four requirements that filmmakers must adhere to: a genre, character, prop, and line of dialogue (there is sometimes an additional location requirement). But the International 48 Hour Film Project Shootout had only two requirements: a theme and city identifier. The theme that 54 teams from around the world wrestled with was END OF THE WORLD – one that was very familiar to Mike Zawacki and most of the crew of “The Message,” as many spent a year and a half making a post-apocalyptic sci-fi series and feature film in Detroit.

In other news, the winner of the January 2010 Mitten Movie Project Audience Choice Award was “Avabot,” the local sci-fi short directed by Jamie Surgener. Second and third place winners were “Death in Charge” and “Retreat,” respectively. “Death in Charge,” the short from California “directrix” Devi Snively, which features Death as a babysitter, and “Retreat,” a short by local director Robert Joseph Butler, will air on the Mitten Movie Show on Comcast 18/Wow 52 from February 3rd to February 28th on Wednesdays at 11 p.m. and Saturdays at midnight in Auburn Hills, Berkley, Clawson, Ferndale, Huntington Woods, Oakland Township, Pleasant Ridge, Rochester, Rochester Hills, Royal Oak, and Troy to reach over 140,000 households.

The Mitten Movie Project would like to thank the 100 moviegoers that braved the cold and post-holiday craziness to come to the January 5th Mitten Movie Project. The MMP would also like to thank M1 Studios in Royal Oak ( for its DVD authoring services, and its newest sponsor, Michigan Movie Magazine, for its monthly online coverage of the Mitten Movie Project (

The Mitten Movie Project is a monthly film festival dedicated to screening independent films the first Tuesday of every month at the Main Art Theatre in Royal Oak. Presale tickets are available for $8 by e-mailing Tickets at the door are $10 (cash only). A pre-screening reception starts at 6:30 p.m. in the Main Art lobby where moviegoers can mingle with the directors, industry professionals, and film enthusiasts. After the screening, a Q&A session will be conducted with the filmmakers in the theatre. An afterglow party will be held at Mr. B's (215 S. Main Street -- within walking distance of the theatre) to end the night’s activities. To submit a film for consideration in the festival, visit for guidelines. Submission is free. Screeners may be sent by DVD or online link.

[Program notes on next page]


Main Art Theatre, Royal Oak, MI - 7:30 p.m.
Pre-sale tickets $8 at, Door $10

FINAL LINEUP. Total running time: 1 hour, 48 minutes. In order of screening:

OVERCOME [trailer] - Team 10 Mile / Five Clover Films (00:50) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Mike Madigan and Chris Lepley. Starring Vincent Rasnick, Dawn Bartley, Chris Lepley and Dave Durham. A story of trust and forgiveness as one couple tries to save their marriage. Completed for Project 21.

RUNWAYS & BUNKBEDS [trailer] – AxeFin Productions (03:07) (Michigan) (2010) Written and directed by Axel Harney. International male model, Luke Sebastian (Harney), lives a charmed life. But conflict arises when he thinks he is flying to Italy for Fashion Week. When he ends up with an atypical roommate, Fronk (Luke Richmond), and falls for a beautiful model named Molly (Monica Lee Percich), Luke is forced to look within and make decisions that might bring his charmed life to a halt.

FRESH START [documentary] - (06:03) (California) Directed by Brad “8.bliss” Erlandson. A quick and personal look into the life of a paraplegic ex-street musician.

THE RE-DEADENING [narrative] – Bombastic Entertainment (10:00) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Brian Schoof. When a man finds his brother has returned from the grave to terrorize the living, he soon discovers slaying the undead isn't as easy as it seems. Starring Marc Pappas, Solid Schoof, and Brian Whisman.

TRY AGAIN [narrative] – Flim Flam Film (03:03) (Michigan) (2007) Directed by Denver Rochon. A married couple must decide whether or not to salvage their relationship after tragedy strikes their family. Starring Nick Moretti and Michelle Simasko.

DOCTOR REDDY [narrative] – Cheklich Enterprises (10:45) (Michigan) Written and directed by Diane Cheklich. Doctor Reddy is one strange dude. Witness his encounters with freaked out patients, go-go dancers, karaoke bars, and biker gangs. In other words, just another day in the life.

DANYELLE [narrative] – Five Clover Films (04:47) (Michigan) (2009) Written and directed by Mike Madigan. Starring Dawn Bartley. Danyelle’s thoughts on how to deal with a personal issue in her life evolve over the course of a day of work and personal reflection. Winner of “Best Cinematography” for MicroMinis at the 2009 Ferndale Film Festival.

PACKARD EMP [narrative] – Directed by Clark A. Eagling (11:41) (Michigan) A tiny crew of media majors attempt to capture a short film about a boy who doesn't know what freedom means and the girl that loves him.

THE GUEST ROOM [narrative] – Wolverine Films (10:05) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Louis Kerman. May sees a mysterious little girl in the guest room of her home. Her husband, Dan, wants to move forward in their marriage. But ghosts from their past refuse to let them go -- until they’re both forced to confront their feelings over what happened.

SOLITUDE [narrative] – Nu-Wave Films (18:00) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Robert Joseph Butler. Two abstract dramas intertwined in one short. The first involves a lonely woman, Marcia (Aphrodite Nikolovski), who is searching for a connection. Her isolation is elevated when she meets an offbeat slacker, Barry (Jacob Hodson). The second story explores the relationship between a beautiful woman, Andie (Sarah Benedict), and Barry. Both stories present a unique look at stardom, cinema, romance, broken dreams, and the film industry.

THE FARMER AND THE PHILOSPHER [documentary] – DETROIT LIVES! (07:40) (Michigan) (2009) Presented by DETROIT LIVES!, this documentary takes a positive look at Detroit's forward progress told through the prism of two different figures (Toby Barlow and Mark Covington) that are changing the city for the better. Shot, edited and animated by Andrea Adelman. Produced by Philip Lauri.

THE COMMANDANT [narrative] – Directed by Stephen Pell (12:38) (Michigan) (2009) Two Russian soldiers are trapped in Nazi occupied Poland with their wounded commanding officer during World War II.

THE MESSAGE [narrative] – Paradise Valley Media (09:40) (Michigan) (2009) A voice from the past unites a fragile trio of survivors coping with life after a catastrophic epidemic. Directed by Mike Zawacki. Written by Nancy Nall Derringer and Ron French. Starring Alora Catherine Smith, Rick Bobier, and Holly Smokovitz.