Perhaps I have been going about this wrong

Current mood:  hopeful

I get so frustrated and upset with myself because no one seems to notice me or the hard work I have been putting into my career since I was 8 years old.

I immediately jump to the conclusion because one idiot director told me years ago to "get a mirror, get a life" that I never win because I am fat and ugly.

But perhaps I have been going about this the wrong way. 

Perhaps the desire for awards, kudos and more auditions is just wrong. 

Perhaps I should just be happy that I get to do what I love at all.  Some people don't even get that much.

Perhaps I should be happy that there really has never been a review out there slamming me or my appearance.  That in itself should be a win.

Perhaps trophies and prestige ISN'T what its all about.

What I need to learn is to take the little pats on the back I get from friends and make them soul trophies.  Make that the only thing that matters.  Because otherwise I am just a little black rain cloud on the world and my own career.

Its hard.  Especially when everyone else seems to get the actual awards, kudos and auditions.  But, changing a mindset never was easy...

Back to THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, I guess....

The Four Agreements®

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. 3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Don't forget to go tomorrow night!

2/2 Mitten Movie Project

independent short films

Host:

Mitten Movie Project

Type:

Other - Festival

Network:

Global

Date:

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Time:

7:30pm - 10:30pm

Location:

Main Art Theatre - Royal Oak

Description

MITTEN MOVIE PROJECT
independent short films

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Connie Mangilin
Curator, Mitten Movie Project
mangilc@yahoo.com

THE FEBRUARY 2ND MITTEN MOVIE PROJECT
CELEBRATES THE ART OF MAKING 48-HOUR SHORTS

Detroit, MI – The February 2nd Mitten Movie Project pays tribute to the art of making 48-hour shorts. Disturbingly beautiful, “The Message,” shows Detroit in all of its post-apocalyptic glory and is a shining example of what is possible in just 48 short hours. Also screening is the impressive World War II short, “The Commandant,” film festival favorite and Director Robert Joseph Butler’s personal fave, “Solitude,” and the inspiring documentary about Detroit renaissance/revival, “The Farmer and the Philosopher.” The February Mitten Movie Project takes place on Tuesday, February 2nd at 7:30 p.m. at the Main Art Theatre (118 N. Main Street, Royal Oak 48067). For presale tickets and more information, go to facebook.com/mittenmovieproject

For Mike Zawacki, the director of “The Message,” this was his second time crewing on a 48-hour short. (Zawacki crewed on Paradise Valley Media’s “A Little Knowledge” -- the short that won the Detroit chapter of the 2009 48 Hour Film Project, and which qualified them for the international shootout.) Regarding the challenges of making a 48-hour short, Zawacki explained, “It's harder to fine-tune the script, . . . harder to do pre-production, to come up with locations, costumes, set dressings, and props. It's harder to shoot, and harder to rehearse with your actors.” But as Zawacki further explained, “Where it really bites you is in post-production. Until it's edited you can't start composing and/or laying in the music and you can't start sound designing (which is possibly the most time intensive part of post production!).”

To overcome those challenges, Zawacki said that “[f]irst and foremost you should try to crew up with quality people whom you've worked with before.” Then the next step is to “frontload pre-production and cast a very broad net in terms of actors, locations, props, and so on.” Another important aspect of completing a 48-hour short is “scheduling and having a predetermined work-flow.” A production needs a “clear map of what you're going to be doing when, from the minute you get your script elements to the minute you hand in your completed film. Not just call sheets and shooting schedules, but deciding how long you'll have to write, how long you'll have to edit, at what point does your editor hand over a cut to sound and music, how long to work on sound and music, what is your editor doing while sound and music are finishing their work, and so forth.”

Normally, 48-hour competitions have four requirements that filmmakers must adhere to: a genre, character, prop, and line of dialogue (there is sometimes an additional location requirement). But the International 48 Hour Film Project Shootout had only two requirements: a theme and city identifier. The theme that 54 teams from around the world wrestled with was END OF THE WORLD – one that was very familiar to Mike Zawacki and most of the crew of “The Message,” as many spent a year and a half making a post-apocalyptic sci-fi series and feature film in Detroit.

In other news, the winner of the January 2010 Mitten Movie Project Audience Choice Award was “Avabot,” the local sci-fi short directed by Jamie Surgener. Second and third place winners were “Death in Charge” and “Retreat,” respectively. “Death in Charge,” the short from California “directrix” Devi Snively, which features Death as a babysitter, and “Retreat,” a short by local director Robert Joseph Butler, will air on the Mitten Movie Show on Comcast 18/Wow 52 from February 3rd to February 28th on Wednesdays at 11 p.m. and Saturdays at midnight in Auburn Hills, Berkley, Clawson, Ferndale, Huntington Woods, Oakland Township, Pleasant Ridge, Rochester, Rochester Hills, Royal Oak, and Troy to reach over 140,000 households.

The Mitten Movie Project would like to thank the 100 moviegoers that braved the cold and post-holiday craziness to come to the January 5th Mitten Movie Project. The MMP would also like to thank M1 Studios in Royal Oak (www.m-1studios.com) for its DVD authoring services, and its newest sponsor, Michigan Movie Magazine, for its monthly online coverage of the Mitten Movie Project (www.michiganmoviemagazine.biz).

The Mitten Movie Project is a monthly film festival dedicated to screening independent films the first Tuesday of every month at the Main Art Theatre in Royal Oak. Presale tickets are available for $8 by e-mailing mangilc@yahoo.com. Tickets at the door are $10 (cash only). A pre-screening reception starts at 6:30 p.m. in the Main Art lobby where moviegoers can mingle with the directors, industry professionals, and film enthusiasts. After the screening, a Q&A session will be conducted with the filmmakers in the theatre. An afterglow party will be held at Mr. B's (215 S. Main Street -- within walking distance of the theatre) to end the night’s activities. To submit a film for consideration in the festival, visit facebook.com/mittenmovieproject for guidelines. Submission is free. Screeners may be sent by DVD or online link.

[Program notes on next page]

2/2/10 MITTEN MOVIE PROJECT – INDEPENDENT SHORTS – PROGRAM NOTES

Main Art Theatre, Royal Oak, MI - 7:30 p.m.
Pre-sale tickets $8 at myspace.com/mittenmovieproject, Door $10

FINAL LINEUP. Total running time: 1 hour, 48 minutes. In order of screening:

OVERCOME [trailer] - Team 10 Mile / Five Clover Films (00:50) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Mike Madigan and Chris Lepley. Starring Vincent Rasnick, Dawn Bartley, Chris Lepley and Dave Durham. A story of trust and forgiveness as one couple tries to save their marriage. Completed for Project 21. www.fivecloverfilms.com

RUNWAYS & BUNKBEDS [trailer] – AxeFin Productions (03:07) (Michigan) (2010) Written and directed by Axel Harney. International male model, Luke Sebastian (Harney), lives a charmed life. But conflict arises when he thinks he is flying to Italy for Fashion Week. When he ends up with an atypical roommate, Fronk (Luke Richmond), and falls for a beautiful model named Molly (Monica Lee Percich), Luke is forced to look within and make decisions that might bring his charmed life to a halt. www.axefinproductions.com

FRESH START [documentary] - (06:03) (California) Directed by Brad “8.bliss” Erlandson. A quick and personal look into the life of a paraplegic ex-street musician.

THE RE-DEADENING [narrative] – Bombastic Entertainment (10:00) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Brian Schoof. When a man finds his brother has returned from the grave to terrorize the living, he soon discovers slaying the undead isn't as easy as it seems. Starring Marc Pappas, Solid Schoof, and Brian Whisman. www.bombasticentertainment.com

TRY AGAIN [narrative] – Flim Flam Film (03:03) (Michigan) (2007) Directed by Denver Rochon. A married couple must decide whether or not to salvage their relationship after tragedy strikes their family. Starring Nick Moretti and Michelle Simasko.

DOCTOR REDDY [narrative] – Cheklich Enterprises (10:45) (Michigan) Written and directed by Diane Cheklich. Doctor Reddy is one strange dude. Witness his encounters with freaked out patients, go-go dancers, karaoke bars, and biker gangs. In other words, just another day in the life. www.cheklich.com

DANYELLE [narrative] – Five Clover Films (04:47) (Michigan) (2009) Written and directed by Mike Madigan. Starring Dawn Bartley. Danyelle’s thoughts on how to deal with a personal issue in her life evolve over the course of a day of work and personal reflection. Winner of “Best Cinematography” for MicroMinis at the 2009 Ferndale Film Festival. www.fivecloverfilms.com

PACKARD EMP [narrative] – Directed by Clark A. Eagling (11:41) (Michigan) A tiny crew of media majors attempt to capture a short film about a boy who doesn't know what freedom means and the girl that loves him.

THE GUEST ROOM [narrative] – Wolverine Films (10:05) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Louis Kerman. May sees a mysterious little girl in the guest room of her home. Her husband, Dan, wants to move forward in their marriage. But ghosts from their past refuse to let them go -- until they’re both forced to confront their feelings over what happened.

SOLITUDE [narrative] – Nu-Wave Films (18:00) (Michigan) (2009) Directed by Robert Joseph Butler. Two abstract dramas intertwined in one short. The first involves a lonely woman, Marcia (Aphrodite Nikolovski), who is searching for a connection. Her isolation is elevated when she meets an offbeat slacker, Barry (Jacob Hodson). The second story explores the relationship between a beautiful woman, Andie (Sarah Benedict), and Barry. Both stories present a unique look at stardom, cinema, romance, broken dreams, and the film industry. www.nuwavefilms.com

THE FARMER AND THE PHILOSPHER [documentary] – DETROIT LIVES! (07:40) (Michigan) (2009) Presented by DETROIT LIVES!, this documentary takes a positive look at Detroit's forward progress told through the prism of two different figures (Toby Barlow and Mark Covington) that are changing the city for the better. Shot, edited and animated by Andrea Adelman. Produced by Philip Lauri. www.detroitlives.org

THE COMMANDANT [narrative] – Directed by Stephen Pell (12:38) (Michigan) (2009) Two Russian soldiers are trapped in Nazi occupied Poland with their wounded commanding officer during World War II.

THE MESSAGE [narrative] – Paradise Valley Media (09:40) (Michigan) (2009) A voice from the past unites a fragile trio of survivors coping with life after a catastrophic epidemic. Directed by Mike Zawacki. Written by Nancy Nall Derringer and Ron French. Starring Alora Catherine Smith, Rick Bobier, and Holly Smokovitz. www.paradisevalleymedia.com

So glad this is the last night

Current mood:  contemplative

It has been a long week of two show days where I haven't quite felt on my game.  Psyched out that I am older and heavier or just losing my love for the whole "goofy animal character" bit.  I just don't feel funny anymore and it makes the work a drag.

Also a lot of bad news came down the wire this week, deaths and such.  It always happens when I go on the road, of course.

I did get a call from Waterworks Theatre asking me to be a part of their fundraiser show next month.  They only want me to play Watchman 1 in the Dogberry scene from MUCH ADO, but I miss being among the theatre folk so much.  I haven't done a "legit" play since I did MUCH ADO.  I miss it.  I miss having a dressing room...even if the dressing room was a tent.

I miss having the audience come to me instead of me coming to the audience and then pissing the audience off because before and after the show we're in their way.

What?  You haven't packed up 3 minutes after the show?  But we have to feed latchkey kids in the EXACT spot you're in. 

Sigh.

I read a very inspiring article in my CREATIVE SCREENWRITING magazine about a husband and wife screenwriting team.  I want Jeff to read it and then buy me a giant dry erase board so we can worK like they do.  I think we can be like the great Jared & Jerusha Hess, or even the Nettles & Gamache or Caldwell and Pearson teams.

Look out cinema!  Its Floyd & Priskorn!!!

We need a writing retreat!

Major Self-Reevaluation Required

I have been a Brainstormer for almost 15 years now.  I can't understand why suddenly I am invisible or the Brainstormer that the kids don't like. 
Or maybe in my old age I am just suddenly aware of it.
I can do a show that I am extremely proud of and people will compliment the pretty Brainstormers on their stuff, hug them and pass me by.  There was one show where a new girl just played a walk-on role of a cop and carried the bad guy off...said nothing, but "you're under arrest".  The kids were all, "you were awesome as the cop."  Passed me by. 
I can be standing in between two other Brainstormers, they hug the first one, skip me and hug the last one.

I know I shouldn't let this kid rejection get to me.  But all of a sudden, its like the worst thing in the world.  I am used to being invisible in the real world.  I don't stand out in a crowd.  I know.  I am still adjusting to that.  But I was pretty sure the kids used to like me at least.

It could be the sudden onset of old age.  I have that nursing home smell of pee and confusion.  That's a real turn-off.

But I guess it just feels like I am entirely rejected now.  The one venue where I used to feel liked is now just a job with a high injury rate for me.

Why do I WANT to be an actor? To be told I am pretty?  To be fawned over?  That should NOT be the case.  It should just be because I have a need to share my talent with the world.  I am kinda sure that is my motivation.  Otherwise I wouldn't put up with the crap I do put up with on auditions and such. (ie, get a mirror and get a life)

But now that I am over 30, I may just need to change my perspective on things.  Its hard to let go of my fleeting youth.  I never really got to reap the benefits of it while I had it in this industry and now I have reformat myself?  I am way confused.

I don't know what my "type" is.  And I know I am a good writer, but I am so desperate to act that I even have writer's block right now and can't get stuff written in time for all the deadlines that are approaching me.

I need guidance.  I need to figure out where I am going and where I want to end up.  I need to stop comparing myself to the skinny, pretty girls I am constantly working with and start comparing myself to myself. 

Meh.  Easier said than done.

Tell me if you heard this one...

 

A girl goes on tour with the Brainstormers, causing her to miss out on a great audition opportunity.

Yeah, for once, this isn't about me.  My roomie Jordan is being tortured with the fact that a director of a movie is calling her back for a THIRD time needing to see her to determine which lead role to give her.  Suck city, she's stuck rooming with me in Battle Creek instead.  And the lobby of this hotel is under construction...dust and wallpaper glue everywhere...its rustic and charming, really...

Meanwhile, what I am missing while on tour,
My mother-in-law's AND father-in-law's birthday dinner,
Premiere of Ta-Ta's Last Stand at the Token lounge
Performance of my play Glass Slipper Size 8 1/2 in Fairport Harbor, Ohio
Syd's birthday AND being there for her upon the sudden death of her boyfriend Patrick.

It seems the scythe of death has been swinging unexpectedly a lot lately.  It's unnerving.

I just need this week to be over quickly.  Also, pray hard for those I know who have lost loved ones of late. 

One good thing...I AM able to get online this week...hooray...

Minor celebrity

Current mood:  nervous

2009 has been a weird a rocky road.  Never been a better year NOT to be a celebrity...The look back montage on all the celebrities we've lost in '09 is going to take up half the Oscars this year!

And this attempted terrorist attack on Christmas Day.  The more I hear about it, the more upset I get.  I am mostly hear about it through interviews with my cousin and her husband who were aboard that flight. 

They were eye witness to TWO other suspects that the mainstream media isn't even touching on.  They were interviewed by the FBI who seemed more to be trying to discredit them than to be getting important info from them. 

I am kind of worried for them, especially after reading some of the comments people make on their news stories online.  Calling them liars and such.  And someone said, "If they disappear, we'll know it was...." blah blah blah.

My cousin is a minor celebrity in the worst possible way.  Her phones don't stop ringing and most people think she and her husband are just looking for fame...Its disturbing and sad.  But even more so now I am believing in government coverups.  I actually never believed in them.  But now I do.  And it frightens me a little.

Luckily my cousin and her husband are both lawyers and hopefully can protect themselves from anyone trying to take advantage.  But right now I don't like all the crap I've been seeing/reading.

And I have to work yet another new years eve.

Hopefully I will get to my husband in time for the midnight kiss!  I want some bubbly!  Strike that...I NEED some bubbly!

Pretending

As much as I pretend to dislike the holiday season, I think deep down, I do enjoy it.  I stress too much about giving the perfect presents, I know.  I want every gift to be memorable and genuine gasp inspiring...But truly, what material object can (or SHOULD) do that?

Its all about finally getting quality time with friends and family.  And though certain gestures must (and SHOULD) be made, we should rejoice in the making of them.  We don't have to purchase expensive gifts to make people gasp and remember this particular holiday forever.  We just have to be.  In fact, a "boring" holiday is just as enjoyable because you aren't surrounded by the stresses of work (hopefully) just the love of friends and family.  That's what a holiday is all about.

I've been getting good news here and there lately.  (Not from the bathroom scale, but we aren't on speaking terms until after the new year).

The Guest Room is getting some attention which seems to once again make me feel validated as a writer. 
It will be showing at The 15 Minutes of Fame Film Festival in Palm Bay, Florida January 16th.
The Mitten Movie Project February 2nd
and has gotten a "nomination" for a nomination for Best Screenplay as well as Best Actress for Mary Gibbs in the Detroit International Film Festival.

Jeff is actually acting in a #$%ton of movies at the Detroit International Film Festival as well as he just wrapped in a new Unity Studios film project called BLIND SIDED. 

I have high hopes to still be thought of as an actor as well, come 2010.  I guess that's why I write under a different name.  I don't want people to confuse my priorities. 

Like my first year at OU, I was strong armed into stage managing a show my first week at school.  I had never stage managed before, nor had I taken the class, but apparently they were desperate and I looked like the stage manager type.  After that show closed, I auditioned for the next one and the director didn't cast me and later told me the only reason she didn't cast me was because she thought I was a "tech student just fulfilling my audition requirement" even though she thought I was good.  She didn't want to take a role away from an acting student.  It could have been a line of crap, but I don't ever want anyone to misconstrue my priorities.  I love to write, but I would prefer to act.  It doesn't mean I can't do both, but just as many producers think couples can't work together on set (Hello, Jeff and I can as proved many times over including our Comcast Chicago ads where they didn't even know we were married until we got on set) I don't want people to think I am a writer first.

Although, I do admit I have a LOT of writing to get done in 2010, including a couple of musicals I hope to collaborate on with my husband and sister in law. 

There are some roles I am hankering to tackle next year as well and hope will be given the opportunity to do so.  I have practically given up on the theatre as for some reason I can not infiltrate their auditions to get seen.  Monologues suck for me.  Give me a cold reading and watch me shine.  I can never get past the stupid monologue stage.

And being in the union limits me even more. 

But I think I would truly be happy making commercials and independent films the rest of my life as long as they keep showing in festivals like this. 

Christmas is so close and I feel like I have been celebrating it already.  I am not ecstatically stupidly happy, but I think I am content.  I can add the stupidly happy if I could drop some more weight again.  And I can if I get back on the daily plate wagon, but I won't set myself up for failure before the holidays. 

New Years Eve I will be stage managing a murder mystery show at the Lion's Club in Sterling Heights.  I am looking forward to bringing the new blood into the mix.  It could get interesting.  I just pray I am home/with my husband in time to kiss him at midnight.  They say spend new year's eve how you hope to spend the new year.  Just like last year, I will be working and rushing to get to my husband...sounds about right...