Friday, September 4, 2009
Adrift in Matrimony
Any of you married folk out there understand how that feels?
Its like, when you were dating/engaged an effort was made to see you. An effort was made to make you happy and comfortable. But married, its okay to ignore your spouse. You can talk to them or see them tomorrow. After all, you friggin LIVE together, right?
Course, my married life is slightly different, too. I have a husband who has a stupid day job, PLUS weekend and evening performances. We're lucky to have dinner together once a month. I look forward to holidays just to spend time with the man. Perhaps that is why I have suggested we take one Christmas and spend it in Hawaii. Then I won't have to share him with family, too. I am greedy, I know.
Sometimes I wish we were a normal couple, not an artistic couple. We go to work, come home, have dinner and spend time together.
But the fleeting moments we have together are all business. And if I am upset about something, there's no time to deal with emotion. Its wasting precious business time.
I will NEVER miss being single. Being single SUCKED. Single means, never really trusting the intentions behind any male statement or action. True, being married can sometimes mean that, too. But only if you're in the wrong marriage. I trust all of my husband's actions and statements. I just wish more of them were laced with "I love you"s. We should never be too busy for that.
I often feel like, maybe I would hear those "I love you"s more if I were prettier...No, that's stupid. Look at the bikini model who just got chopped up by her husband the reality tv star. She was hot, and even that didn't protect her. In fact, that probably added to her demise with a sicko like that.
Then I think, what if I made more money? Yeah, that would probably work, because he could relax more. Unfortunately, its hard for me to get work/money. And my struggles to do so, well they make me upset and he doesn't like hearing about it.
What if I were a better housekeeper? HA! When would he be home to even notice that?
At this point, I think the only way I would hear "I love you" more from my husband would be if we won the lottery. And if I didn't win, he would be mad I wasted the money.