Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Negative Voice

I have a voice inside my head, that I constantly argue with.

"The garage door didn't close when you left"

YES it DID, voice!

"You left the hot rollers on"

NO I DIDN'T, voice!

"You're too fat to ever be cast in anything"


Yeah, the voice is in my head, but I often respond to it aloud...very crazy. Most of the time I win. But the voice is persistant. Sometimes I have to turn around and go back to make sure the garage door IS closed...It always is.

But the voice also causes me to worry about things.

I have the worst case scenario in the front of my brain at all times. So, when Jeff went to visit with his band's new bass player at the guy's house...all alone...just the two of them...and he didn't come home til 3am on a Tuesday night...yeah, I worried. I worried A LOT.

Yet, somehow, I am a stupid, pushy wife for wondering where my husband is on a weeknight. He claims that he is taking advantage of his "free week." But he never wants to take advantage of it with me. He blew me off every night so far this week. And I even asked if we could go to the movies on Monday. The last movie we saw was THE SIMPSONS over 2 years ago. I feel like a low priority.

It sucks to feel like an afterthought to EVERYONE. But even to your husband?

I wish I were more fun to be around. But it seems me and my head full of crazy voices are about as fun to be around as a kick to the nuts...

No comments:

Post a Comment